4.21.2016

When You Have No Clue What You Are Doing With Your Life...

tee from metal marvels

I'm one of those "in the moment" type of people, but not necessarily in that good type of "in the moment" way. I more so mean, one moment I want to do this and the next moment I want to do that. Maybe a better term for this would be lack of contentment, clarity, vision, or figuring out what in the heck I want to do in this life. I think I have it all figured out and then twenty minutes later I'm all "why did I think that was a good idea?! I clearly don't want to do that...I want to do this!" and then another twenty minutes passes by and I've made up my mind that I now want to do both or neither at all. Really, the only thing I am completely ever sure of is what I want to eat for my next meal and all that's gained me is a lot of calories and empty drive thru bags #guilty.

The past few days, weeks, okay it's been months I have felt this unsettling feeling of not having a real understanding of what I want to do be doing from a day to day basis. Do I like this whole blogging thing enough to commit my career to it? Doesn't that seem really lonely and quiet though? Do I want to work outside of the home more? Doesn't that seem like a lot to balance though? Should I have a baby to make things a little more clear? Worst idea ever. Is taking pictures of outfits every day for Instagram actually fulfilling? Haven't I always wanted to own a cute little home decor shop? Sounds expensive. Do I want to add more to my plate or take away from it? And the questions go on and on and on and on. And then I get lumps in my throat and small little tears in my eyes because IT'S ALL SO CONFUSING. And then I start to get jealous of people who have this whole thing figured out. Like maybe working a normal 40 hour job is a lot less confusing? But what about traveling and afternoons in the sun? How does that work out? I want the best of all worlds while not even knowing what the best of all worlds would actually consist of. 

I'm ready to get to that point in my life where I stop questioning it all. You know, the point that I have thought for the past 10 years is right around the corner? Where I know that I am doing exactly what I should be doing, where I feel fulfilled, challenged, inspired and just sure of things. But then maybe that would be boring too because what fun is life if there isn't an ever changing adventure attached to it?

I guess I'm writing this today not to get an answer [but I mean if you have one, I'm all ears...] but hopefully to relate to some of you who struggle with this too. To know that it's okay that not everything is cut and dry. That it's okay we don't always understand our own thoughts, desires and dreams. That even if we never get to that seemingly impossible point, we are living up the highs, learning from the lows, praying through the confusion, toasting to the accomplishments and laughing through the WTFs. Oh life, you are confusing to me but I sure do love the heck out of you. To whatever is next...

ps. the amount of I's in this post is disturbing. maybe that's my first problem, turn away from yourself Erin...noted. 

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38 comments:

  1. This is my favorite post of yours. This is completely relatable and I've been through this as well. It's confusing and frustrating and like you said makes me a little envious of people that find their calling so naturally!

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  2. I have that feeling every day! And I'm constantly comparing myself to others and totally jealous of things they're doing or talents they have! Recently I joined a business as a "side gig" and am loving what it is doing for my feeling of purpose! I'm happy to share more information with you if you'd like!! It has helped me for sure!

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  3. Agreed. I do love and enjoy my life - but I'm really waiting right now (and had an emotional catharsis this morning) for some financial freedom. To not always need that next paycheck. To not see the money go out as soon as it comes in. To live the life I really want without worrying about its cost. Sounds nice, right?

    And yes, team #NObaby.

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  4. Girl!! You are preaching to the choir! Beginning around the first of the year, I too started to feel this way. And while I don't quite have my "plan" all laid out, I've got a direction now and thats something right? Sending good, clarification vibes your way! Til then keep sipping those cactus lime ultras on the boat! Those are my favorite at the lake ;)

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  5. What size tee are you wearing? Wondering if I should size down.

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    1. I am wearing a medium! I could have done a small as its a little big! Hope that helps!

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    2. They're usually pretty true to size, but we do have a size chart on the listing just in case. The heather gray will always be flowy-er than the others because it has just a bit more cotton in it. :)

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    3. I ordered the other day, just waiting for it to arrive. Can't wait! Thank you both!

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  6. I don't think anyone ever has it completely figured out. I thought I wanted to career I'm in...the promotion I got last fall...and now I find myself thinking about a completely different career path. These days we have so many more options than our parents or grandparents. We grew up hearing we could do anything and have it all, and now we have the tech to make most of it happen so its hard to pick one thing and stick with it. I think its important to try and find peace and contentment where you are...but there isn't anything wrong with thinking about other opportunities as well.

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  7. here's the thing. i work a 40 hr/week full time job and i feel the exact same way. I went to college, got a degree, and I am not working in my field of study. I am almost 29, married, with no kids. it seems like life continues to move on around me while i almost feel as if i am standing still. Maybe your right, maybe there are too many "I"'s in what we are saying. is my job really that bad? no, my job has been actually a great fit for my current lifestyle. is my life stagnant while others continue to move on? no. i have basically fallen into the "what if's" and i am guilty of comparison. i am always doing new things, building relationships, and moving forward in my life. all in all, i think that i have learned from past experiences that when i do focus on my contentment in the now, other doors open along the way that provides new exciting experiences. Basically...i have no advice, but i am going through the same, shall we call them, "transitions". i have come to a conclusion of praying for direction and looking for the "happy" in each day.

    to whatever is next... :) -a fellow Erin.

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  8. LOVE everything about this post! Perfectly said for how I'm feeling about life right now. Except we joined team baby. Our little bundle is going on 7 months. Definitely finding myself trying to be "super mom". My husband is great & is a huge help, but I feel like I need to work less hours to spend more time with little one & get more things done at home. I for sure go back & forth between Do I go back to school? or just stay at my job now? oh the joys of adult life!

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  9. LOVE everything about this post!! Most definitely sums up exactly how I'm feeling about life right now. So reassuring to know that there are other people out there that feel the same way:)

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  10. This resonates so much. I'm currently in a two year teaching commitment, but after that I'm all like - what am I supposed to do next??? I've tried the 40 hour a week job, but I feel like I miss out on so much living. But how would I make ends meet without one? Or what would I find fulfilling? Life is hard to figure out but it's sure beautiful. :) Thanks for sharing your thoughts! It's always great to feel like you aren't alone.

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  11. I don't think anyone has it all figured out even if it appears that they do. I often go through these sorts of phases as well, and I try to remember something my dad once said to me several years ago when I was talking to him about it all. He said, "I'm 58 years old, and I *still* don't know what I want to do when I grow up." His point was that you don't have to have it figured out. There's not a set course that you need to take or a particular age at which you need to accomplish certain things in life, and there probably never will be. But at some point, you get used to that and just start enjoying wherever life takes you in that moment. At the end of the day, the goal is to be happy, and if that's not how you're feeling, then it's time for another change. Sure, there are uncertainties that come with that, but that's all part of life.

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  12. Ahhh...we've all been there and back again. I was there some years ago that moment had me applying to nursing school! Best decision of my life. I managed full time nursing school, full time mommy to two boys, wife, and a full time job starting at 37 years old. Sounds absolutely insane thinking back, but so thankful I took the chance. So, I say go with your gut!

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  13. I think we NEVER really know what we're doing. Even those who've got it "figured out" still don't know. Do what feels right in your heart. That's all you can do.

    ps... loooove you in our tee!!

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  14. Uh. I am totally working a 40 hour/week job (more like 45-50) and 3 years post college graduation I cannot imagine doing what I do till I retire. Then my brain says don't you remember how hard you worked in college!?!? But then I try to imagine having a kids and doing what I'm doing. Not that I am ready to have kids... but when would I see them? NO WAY I could be a stay at home mom. So what do I do?? I have no idea. But just keep saving money and hopefully I'll figure it out.

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  15. This post really hit home for me. Since moving to the Chicago area a few months I really can't seem to figure out what direction my life is going in. Should I get a job? But it's really nice to be able to do whatever I want...when I want. What about a fun, part-time job? But then there's a schedule to deal with and maybe I want a career?! So confusing!

    For me, I try to focus on the fact that's it's a nice problem to have. I have a supportive hubby and don't have to be forced into doing something that isn't ideal. Maybe try that, and just know you're not alone with these feelings. :)

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  17. Love this post! The struggle is real. Every. Day. I'm in my forty's and have 3 kids. I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up. Follow your heart and trust your gut.

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  18. Yassss. My struggle for the last few years. I'm 27, married, no kids. I've worked in several industries and currently work in human services for the county. Finally using my degree. But I don't love it. I want to open a tea shop, but like you, that sounds expensive. I want to be a mom, but I'm just not quite ready. So I think I'll truck along until that point and try to check smaller things off my list in the meantime. Glad to hear someone else is in the same boat. Let's keep on floating!

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  19. So funny because I have always thought you have all your ish together and I've been so jealous of you! I have 2 kids and feel like my life is just crazy and insane and I don't know what I'm going to do with my life when they both are in school. Good post.

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  20. Glad to know I'm not the only one!!! I knew there were more people like me out there! I've been trying to redo my office, currently a storage dump, for a couple of years now. I've purchased a lot of "stuff" for it and just can't seem to ever find any time to do it or I'm just not "in the mood". I also constantly question "Do I want a new job where I am of the house a little more, but then I'd have to actually get totally ready. What about this house? It's way too big for just the 3 of us now. Should I sale or invest in making it what I want it to be? Why would I redo my office if we're going to sale it? And circle back to I REALLY need to redo my office"

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  22. I think this is just something about life...for most of it, you just feel like you don't have it figured out. Everytime you start to think you do, something changes. You switch jobs, find a new interest, have a career, make a new friend, learn something about yourself...and suddenly everything that felt rest yesterday, no longer feels right. Hang in there, keep searching and growing...until you everything clicks again. And enjoy, because again, the only thing constant is change itself!

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  23. Hi, are you in my brain?? This is my life lately! I like my job...or do I? I loved blogging (with all my 40ish followers lol), but just can't always find the time while working a "real" job and trying to have a life. Would love to make a switch, but...to what?! And I'm the same way - one day I want to be in marketing, then I want to pet all the animals while drinking margaritas in between trips to Italy. How??? When?? Why?? Where??? Ugh. The struggle. Glad all of you can relate!!

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  24. Its like you are in my head. Glad to hear I'm not the only one.

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  25. Love this post Erin! This is me all.the.time. I'm 36 with two kids and a hubby. We just moved so now I feel like I'm at this point where I could make a change with my job, but do I? Do I focus more on that or more on my family...but they are getting older so what the heck would I do after they leave the house (like they are supposed to!)?! Ugh. It's tough feeling like you are supposed to have it all figured out all the time, but I feel better knowing that even those who look like they have it all figured out are just like the rest of us...and probably think they don't. Thank you for saying it out loud.

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  26. Oh so relatable! I went to school for nursing, spent 5 years working my butt off towards that degree, and have now been spending the first year+ of my nursing career completing questioning everything I want to do in life. I made that decision to be a nurse when I was 18!! I mean geez, I didn't know about life at that point lol I have since considered sooOOOooo many other options and I think the important thing to remember is that we're lucky that we HAVE options. Sure it's stressful, but girl...you have so many great options for life! It will work out in the end and when it does, you will be so incredibly fulfilled and grateful that you stuck it out through this confusing time. XOXO

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  27. This is so my life story. Before I had my current very career-like job, I figured I'd feel more like I knew what I was doing with my life once I had a career-like job. Well, now I have that career-like job, and, nope, still no idea. I recently found out that I may be losing my job (I teach at a university and our enrollment is dropping), and I'm simultaneously elated that this means I might be able to change things up and do something different (like work at a fancy wine shop! or bakery and smell bread all day!) and terrified that I'm going to end up in a cardboard box!

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  28. Thank you for this post, I can very much relate. I'm on my 2nd career , why not keep going to school, right😜 I did the stay at home mom thing for 7 years then eased my way into full time work again. As much as I love teaching , I've always wanted to be a party planner, own a cupcake shop or repurpose items and be crafty all day. I have 2 more kids to put through college and 3 weddings I'll have to help pay for so I continue on. You are very talented and I envy your talents. We all have our gifts, it's figuring out the best way to use them.

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  29. Wow are you in my head? I am 47 and I still haven't figured out what I want to be when I grow up. I put myself through college and grad school working average office jobs, but then what? I've travelled on a dime through Europe. I've had up and downs. I became an ESL teacher with the NYC Public School system for six years until I had my son at 37. Now...I don't know what to do next. I think about going back to school but is it worth it? By the time I finish I will be in my 50s and I must admit I don't have the energy and stamina I once had. Then I think I'll just go work part-time at Teavana and drink tea all day - but then I don't really want to work nights and weekends.
    I have ADhD so part of it is that. So it's nice to know there are others out there with the same problems and thoughts. One problem is that our society puts too much importance on having a career and certain lifestyle over having a personality and opinion - and we tend to undervalue the creative or artistic lifestyle.
    I think I need a life coach. But one thing for sure, I will never regret anything the good, the bad, the ugly, the happy and the sad: I have lived my life the best I could, my way.

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  30. This post is so relatable...even to a woman who's a year away from turning 40. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids (I'm a daycare provider) but there are days where I think it would be so much easier to work outside of the home in a job where I can leave the work behind and go home to my sanctuary. To work a job that if I'm sick, I can easily call out and not feel complete guilt that 3-6 other people than have to figure things out too. But then again, I get to love on kids, I get to be home and pretty much stay in pj/sweats all day if I want to. I get to to be with my pups all day and my hubby walks home from his school a half block away for lunch. I can do laundry while I'm working and get other stuff done around my house when I get them down for a nap (at least sometimes), so the pros tend to out way the cons. :)

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  31. How tall are you? I thought when I was young I would be a professional business woman, but life is funny. I am the total opposite. I'm a stay at home mom with three kids. I have learned to appreciate the fact that I was able to raise my kids, be a involved at school, teach a religion class and form a relationship with my kids to the point that they actually like hanging with me, weird. Embrace your present life as it is, what the future brings is an unknown.

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  32. Girl, I think most of us can definitely relate to this. I actually have a fun, creative job but still sit at a desk most of the day. I really like what I do but still daydream about doing something else :) Good luck to you!! The home decor shop sounds like an adventure!

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  33. Never has a post resonated with me so much. While I'm only a year into my post-grad life, I feel the same way as you. Throughout college, I thought the life I've dreamed of was right around the corner. Well, I've turned corner after corner and I'm still searching. Someday, with hard work and some risk-taking, we'll find what we're meant to do.

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  34. This is like reading my own thoughts! I'm going these thought processes at the moment and it's exhausting! It's good to know that others haven't got it all figured out yet. Thank you Erin x

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  35. Even though you are soul-searching right now (as you probably will forever- sorry!), you have a knack for writing in a very honest and hilarious manner. I actually laugh out loud at some of your very amusing posts. No matter what you decide to do with your life, keep your sense of humor! By the way, I am 50 something years old, have worked the 9 to 5, the midnight to 8, and have now owned my own business for 30 years. Keep trying new things (but keep your delightful blog)!!

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I read and appreciate every one of your comments. Thanks for stopping by my space and sharing a piece of yourself on this huge ole internet. I meant that in the least creepy way possible. I'm just good at making everything awkward. Anyhow, thank you for your comments. They make me smile :)