This blog and I, we have had quite the weird relationship lately. I keep expecting to show up and have her fulfill all of my writing/blogging/whatever it’s called these days/ dreams, however she keeps on disappointing. And the thing I have started to realize is it has nothing to do with her, but rather me [which is always the suckiest of realizations am I right?] Recently I have gotten to a point where I feel as though I have no voice in what I am saying–I open up my planner, it tells me what I need to write about/share/feature, I do it, and then I proceed to the next task on my to-do list. Do you know how weird it feels to write a lifestyle blog that has no real substance of your life? I have said yes to things I should have said no to, I don’t spend time daydreaming about the next post topic because it’s already accounted for, and this whole thing that I used to be proud of has started to feel like a space that is used solely to share others, not myself. And I’m not okay with it.
It’s a hard struggle of finding the balance between creating [and keeping] an engaged readership base vs creating [and keeping] a steady stream of income vs creating [and keeping] a blog that I am excited about. I want all of the above and I believe I can have that, but I don’t think I can in my current set-up. Something has to give and I’m not ready to choose this blog. I want to be able to show up to this space, write about whatever it is I feel like writing about, feel challenged creatively, be connected with my readers, and most of all, feel connected with this space again.
I have always been a firm believer in doing what I love to do. If I don’t genuinely enjoy what I am investing the majority of my time into, I don’t believe it is worth doing. I know that I truly enjoy blogging [a lot], but I have reached a point where I can say that I no longer do. It’s mundane, it’s repetitive, it doesn’t sparkle in my eyes like it once did, and even I have stopped reading my posts after they are published. I remember the days when I would excitedly ask my husband seconds after I hit publish if he read it yet and what he thinks, I would laugh out loud while typing, I would check my comments or emails expecting to hear how a reader just connected to what I wrote about. None of that happens anymore. I show up, I do what I am here to do, and then I leave.
All of this to say, I am ready to get back to my blogging roots. Lighten my load a bit on the sponsor home front, write about the real stuff going on in my life and not just which bracelet I am admiring, and return to a space where I am excited to be again. It may take a few weeks to get there but I can proudly say I am on my way…
To a new beginning…it’s you and me blog, lets do this thing.
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