5.14.2014

Dear Erin,


You know the drill--readers submit questions, I answer them, and then somewhere in the middle of all that real life problems get solved. Lets begin. 

Dear Erin,
Should I bleach my butthole? It seems like the right thing to do but I'm not sure. 

Love,
Chocolate Starfish 

Dear Chocolate Starfish, 
First off, ouch. Secondly, before we make any rash decisions on whether or not to pour bleach down your anus I think we should do a poll with that certain someone(s) on whether or not they like the smell of hotel pools. I say this only because recently I started bleaching our towels and every time I walk into our bathroom I feel like I am surrounded by two dozen window lickers that are flopping all over the place in their floaties and other inner tube devices that I am jealous of. If his [or her] answer is yes, move on and find somebody else. If they say no, congratulations..you will live to see tomorrow. Also, now would be a good time to note that flushable cleansing wipes work really well after going number two which may take some of the need for bleach to go away. The added benefit is that your butthole will not turn bright red and combust into flames when using. On a much more serious note, congratulations on having a hole that you want others want to look at. It's not everyday you see an open for business sign down there. Best of luck you little starfish you, now go get em'. 

Love, 
Erin 

Dear Erin, 
I want to lose weight and have abs but don't want to eat better or work out. What do I do? 

Love, 
Every Woman In America

Dear Every Woman In America, 
Maybe we should turn to our little starfish up there for some calorie burning activities before we look into other options. However, if the dirty dirty [literally] isn't your thing, I think I have a few suggestions that could help you out. One thing that has helped me feel better about myself significantly is watching workout DVDs. You simply put in your favorite workout DVD [favorite only because on Amazon it received 4.5 out of 5 stars, not because you have actually experienced it for yourself], sit on the carpet, and allow yourself to be inspired by all of the nice words the instructor keeps saying to you. Talk about a confidence boost. You will be convinced that you are skinny in no time. The other thing I have taken up is drinking. You should see my biceps from all of the curls I've been doing every time the glass goes from the table to my mouth. Last but not least, I've heard that eating celery is like consuming negative calories. For this reason I encourage you to carry celery with you at all times. The minute you are done eating anything, eat a celery stalk. I'm pretty confident one piece of celery is equal to mashed potatoes, noodles, a dinner roll, and one serving of blueberry pie. The pounds will fall off immediately with this method, I am 200% confident. If none of this works, you obviously aren't drinking enough. 

Dear Erin, 
Should I order Love, Yellow this month?

Love, 
The Answer Is Yes. 

Dear The Answer Is Yes, 
You were wrong. The answer is no. Unless of course you want to look hotter and feel better than you ever have before. In which case you are right, the answer is yes. Tough decision I know. 

Love,
Erin 

To submit your own Dear Erin, question you may do so here. It's the cheapest therapy on the internet. 


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24 comments:

  1. I have a strong feeling that the person asking about the bleached butthole may have watched Bridesmaids this weekend. You're mentioning of the bleach smell on the towels makes me wonder, how long does the bleach smell last in your butt? I think this question is best filed under "things I will never Google".

    -Jackie
    http://ournashvilleife.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies

    1. How To Stop A Divorce And Save Your Marriage?(Dr.Brave).


      Hello to every one out here, am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me three days ago, My name is Jeffrey Dowling,i live in TEXAS,USA.and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.(bravespellcaster@gmail.com}, So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who did not call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, i will advice you out there to kindly email this wonderful man {bravespellcaster@gmail.com},i f you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to "bringing your ex back. So thanks to Dr Brave for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com}, Thanks..

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  2. You tweeting about this question was quite the laugh, but I have to say the post is soo much better than expected. This is exactly why I love your sarcastic cute little mouth! I just knew this Dear Erin sesh would be greatness!

    Me and My Boo Bear are dying reading this & you should feel pretty special because he usually hates when I talk other blogs.

    Xoxo,
    Beverly
    www.halfwaytofearless.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. lol! Thank you for the much-needed laugh tonight (er, this morning)!

    ReplyDelete
  4. LOL!! Always such wise and practical advice!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you for the laughs this morning!

    ReplyDelete
  6. You make some good points there! :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. When I need a good cry (from laughing), I come to Dear Erin.

    lovelovelove,
    Erica
    cominguprosestheblog.com

    ReplyDelete

  8. How To Stop A Divorce And Save Your Marriage?(Dr.Brave).


    Hello to every one out here, am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me three days ago, My name is Jeffrey Dowling,i live in TEXAS,USA.and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.(bravespellcaster@gmail.com}, So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who did not call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, i will advice you out there to kindly email this wonderful man {bravespellcaster@gmail.com},i f you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to "bringing your ex back. So thanks to Dr Brave for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com}, Thanks..

    ReplyDelete
  9. Having Dr.Ogudugu as a back up plan has never failed me because he has always been useful to me when ever i give him a call.. I contacted Dr.Ogudugu two years ago and that was the first time i contacted Dr.Ogudugu and then it was about the issue of my job because my boss never seems to like me no matter how i tried my best to pleased him but he always hate me the more, But after contacting Dr.Ogudugu through these contact information via mobile +2348066421534 or email GREATOGUDUGU@GMAIL.COM and he casted a spell for me and since then my boss has always sees me as his best worker and within 2 weeks i was promoted due to my hard work. And the second time that i contacted Dr.Ogudugu was just a week ago when my lover told me that he wants to walk out of my life by putting an end to our relationship. I cried for some days and at a time i just taught of one person that can fix my relationship back for me then i remember Dr.Ogudugu and within 48 hours Dr.Ogudugu was able to restore my relationship.

    ReplyDelete
  10. My name faith i want to give thanks and i will always give thanks to Dr ogboni who brought back my love that has left me for 6years within 48hours, i have said about this last week but i promised to always tell people about this every week end so that those that did not read about it last will read about it this week, i have been looking for how to get this boy back to my life because i love this boy with the whole of my heart, i could not replace him with any body,one day i was watching my television when i saw a lady giving thanks to Dr igbalu and telling the world how he helped her i was so shocked i could not believe it because i never taught that there are powers that can bring back lost love, then that was how i decided to contact him too because i do really need my love back,when i contacted him i told him everything and he told me not to worry that my love will surely be back to my arms within 48hours at first i could not believe because i was thinking how could somebody that has gone for 6years come back within 48 hours,so then i decided to watch and see,unbelievable within the next 48hours i got a call from unknown number so i decided to pick the call the next thing i could hear was my loves voice he was pleading and begging me on the phone that i should forgive him that i should forget all that have happened that he did not know what came over him,he promised not to leave for any reason, that he was really sorry for what he did,i was so surprised because i never believed that this could happen,so that was how i accepted his apology and the next morning he came to my house and still pleading for me to forgive him i told him that everything is okay that i have forgiven him, that was how we started again and now we are married, i promised to say this testimony in radio station, commenting this testimony is still okay but before this month runs out i promise to say this in radio station and i will,sir thank you very much.World please am begging you people to try and thank this man for me,or if you need his help here is his email address : ogbonispelitemple@hotmail.com , you can still contact me through my email to know more about him.this is my email adress:ogbonispelitemple@hotmail.com .

    Name:faith

    Country USA

    ReplyDelete
  11. Am so excited and i really want to thank GREAT MOTHER OF SOLUTION a very POWERFUL and i mean a very POWERFUL female spell caster for getting my husband back to me within 2 days. My name is Annie James and when my husband left me and our two kids to suffer i was so tired and frustrated and i thought all hope was lost until i came across this GREAT MOTHER OF SOLUTION on her email at Greatmotherofsolutiontemple@yahoo.com and i was reading how she has helped so many people with different problems so i contacted and i explained my problem to her and she laughed and told me to calm down that my problem is so simple and that she will help me in two days time my husband will come back home again and i really believed her without any doubt. Can you imagine just as this POWERFUL WOMAN said in two days time my husband called me and started begging for forgiveness. In fact words won't be enough to thank this POWERFUL WOMAN called GREAT MOTHER OF SOLUTION and i assure you that If you want all your problems to be solved contact GREAT MOTHER OF SOLUTION now on her email at Greatmotherofsolutiontemple@yahoo.com and she will help you because she is so real, reliable, trust worthy and very powerful. Please i mean please i advise you all to believe and listen to her because she is very real and unique. Thank you GREAT MOTHER and may your good gods always bless you for your wonderful deeds and good works. Once again thank you GREAT MOTHER.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Am so excited and i really want to thank GREAT MOTHER OF SOLUTION a very POWERFUL and i mean a very POWERFUL female spell caster for getting my husband back to me within 2 days. My name is Annie James and when my husband left me and our two kids to suffer i was so tired and frustrated and i thought all hope was lost until i came across this GREAT MOTHER OF SOLUTION on her email at Greatmotherofsolutiontemple@yahoo.com and i was reading how she has helped so many people with different problems so i contacted and i explained my problem to her and she laughed and told me to calm down that my problem is so simple and that she will help me in two days time my husband will come back home again and i really believed her without any doubt. Can you imagine just as this POWERFUL WOMAN said in two days time my husband called me and started begging for forgiveness. In fact words won't be enough to thank this POWERFUL WOMAN called GREAT MOTHER OF SOLUTION and i assure you that If you want all your problems to be solved contact GREAT MOTHER OF SOLUTION now on her email at Greatmotherofsolutiontemple@yahoo.com and she will help you because she is so real, reliable, trust worthy and very powerful. Please i mean please i advise you all to believe and listen to her because she is very real and unique. Thank you GREAT MOTHER and may your good gods always bless you for your wonderful deeds and good works. Once again thank you GREAT MOTHER.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Am so excited and i really want to thank GREAT MOTHER OF SOLUTION a very POWERFUL and i mean a very POWERFUL female spell caster for getting my husband back to me within 2 days. My name is Annie James and when my husband left me and our two kids to suffer i was so tired and frustrated and i thought all hope was lost until i came across this GREAT MOTHER OF SOLUTION on her email at Greatmotherofsolutiontemple@yahoo.com and i was reading how she has helped so many people with different problems so i contacted and i explained my problem to her and she laughed and told me to calm down that my problem is so simple and that she will help me in two days time my husband will come back home again and i really believed her without any doubt. Can you imagine just as this POWERFUL WOMAN said in two days time my husband called me and started begging for forgiveness. In fact words won't be enough to thank this POWERFUL WOMAN called GREAT MOTHER OF SOLUTION and i assure you that If you want all your problems to be solved contact GREAT MOTHER OF SOLUTION now on her email at Greatmotherofsolutiontemple@yahoo.com and she will help you because she is so real, reliable, trust worthy and very powerful. Please i mean please i advise you all to believe and listen to her because she is very real and unique. Thank you GREAT MOTHER and may your good gods always bless you for your wonderful deeds and good works. Once again thank you GREAT MOTHER.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Dr. Telemi is a trust worthy spell caster and he will be of great help to you. I never believed in spell casting but After 4 years of marriage my husband left me because I lost my womb, and i was unable to give birth to children. I felt like my life has come to an end, and i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time, but thanks to this spell caster called Dr. Telemi whom i met online after my friend Tracy James told me how he also helped her to bring back her husband in less than 2 days. I believed her and decided to give Dr. Telemi a try and i contacted him on his email Telemisolutiontemple@yahoo.com and explained my problems to him. He laughed and told me that In less than 2 days, my Husband will come back for me again, and that he will restore my womb and i will give birth to children. At first i thought it was a lie but i took courage and believed as Dr. Telemi has said and it did happen just as this Great spell caster said, My husband called me and was crying, apologizing for forgiveness. I forgave him and today i am so glad that all worries and problems has gone away, and we are even happier than before, another good news is that i am pregnant now, and very soon we are expecting our baby. Dr. Telemi is really a gifted and a powerful spiritual man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man. I advice you all If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems just Contact Dr Telemi on his email on Telemisolutiontemple@yahoo.com at anytime, because he will always help you to solve all your problems. Once again thank you Dr. Telemi. Thank you, thank you.

    ReplyDelete

  15. Unimaginable and unbelievable. I am Mary Smith from the United States and i have a good news to share to the entire world. Do you need your ex husband or lover urgently? I wanna tell you that you need not to worry because i have a good news for those out there that are faced or similar to such situation because there is always a hope and a solution to all problem. There is a great spell caster called Great DR.MALAWI who can really solve your problem. Getting my lover back is what i can't imagine but when I was losing Jackson, I needed help and somewhere to turn badly but my Aunty told me about this spell caster who also helped her on the internet. I thought it won't work but i just tried to give this man a chance and i ordered a LOVE SPELL. Two days later, my phone rang. Jackson was his old self again and wanted to come back to me! Not only come back, the spell caster opened him up to know how much I loved and needed him. This Spell Casting isn't brainwashing, but he opened up his eyes to know how much we have to share together and he also cast a protection spell and no side effect for the spell and also he still cast money spell for me too but i have no problem about money i am reach now and also happy with my family. I recommend anyone who is in my old situation to try him because he will help you and make things be the way it thought to be. If you have such problem or similar to this, please contact him on his email DR.{spellofsolutiontemple@yahoo.com} thank you Great DR.MALAWI and may your gods reward you for your good deeds DR. {spellofsolutiontemple@yahoo.com}.

    I want to let you know that he can cast all type of spell cast with 100% guarantee, if you have any type of problem like this or more quickly contact him for assistance okay

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I read and appreciate every one of your comments. Thanks for stopping by my space and sharing a piece of yourself on this huge ole internet. I meant that in the least creepy way possible. I'm just good at making everything awkward. Anyhow, thank you for your comments. They make me smile :)