That time where one age says to the other age “get the haiiiiiiiiillll outta here, I’m takin’ over for the next 365 days..” Some people get distraught when their age starts having these arguments with older ages, but me? I’m all like “WHO CARES?! JUST GIVE ME CAKE!” And then I typically smear lipstick all over my face in celebration.
With this whole birthday thing taking place I figured now would be a good time to do one of those “what I have learned in the past twenty-six years of my life..” type of posts. And while I may not know the name of all 52 states (or is it 50? whatever), there are some things I have stored in that brain of mine. Lets begin.
1. For starters, always age yourself one year in advance. For the past year I have told everybody I am 27. Not as a lie, but because I truly believed I was 27 the minute I turned 26. It really makes the whole “turning a year older” thing not nearly as painful. But seriously though, I am excited to get older. 30’s are the new 20’s and 40’s are the new..uhh never mind, 40 is just old. That’s a joke all of you 40+ readers. You are still in your prime, don’t sweat it. But 50 though? That’s a different story.
2. Words are cooler with a hash tag in front of them. #toldyou
3. Bedding is meant to be washed more than once a year. And yes, I learned this just this past year. #donthate
5. Stalking celebs on Twitter is well worth the time and mental exhaustion. Proof above.
6. Fast food while fast, will eventually make you fat and tired.
7. Locking yourself in your bedroom as a child and not letting yourself come out until you have memorized every single line to “Whooomp There It Is” is one of the best ways you can spend 4 hours of your life.
8. Wine has incredible healing abilities. So does God. Put the two of them together and WHOA.
9. There is a reason why crimp rhymes with pimp.
10. Nothing will ever be as good as it once was. For example, Star Crunches, Nintendo, fruit roll ups, cigarette candy, nutter butters, spice girls, adidas superstars, facebook, and nacho lunchables.
11. People do not spend nearly as much time thinking about you as you spend thinking about yourself. Stop convincing yourself of this.
12. Middle school aged kids will always be the most awkward. Always.
13. Loud Music + Loud Singing + Loud Dancing = one heck of a happy moment.
14. Responding with either “your mom” or “bend over and I’ll show ya” is all you really need say when responding to ANYTHING.
15. There is food and there is Chipotle. Eat Chipotle.
16. Your parents truly are the greatest and know what is best for you. Even when you are 14 and they most likely hate your guts.
17. Tanning every single day might be a bit excessive. A bit.
18. Kittens are cute. Cats are horrifying.
19. The world is one big giant canvas just waiting for you to leave your mark. Same goes with Styrofoam leftover containers.
20. Tom Petty rules the world. Basically.
21. Stupid people are exactly that, stupid. The older I get the more this one becomes glaringly obvious.
22. Singing the national anthem while folding laundry makes the task of putting laundry away seem a lot less sucky and a lot more…patriotic?
23. Sunsets are worth watching.
24. Life gets messy…you spill things, you shatter things, you get oil all over you when cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Just embrace it…nobody has the time to be perfect. And if they do, they most likely suck.
25. Forget toilets. Peeing in the shower is where it’s at. I mean…
26. Last but not least, the most important thing…. #macaroniandcheeseforever
And that concludes every single thing I know.
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