6.11.2013

Current Thoughts And Feelings



a favorite of mine

As you may or may not know I do not plan any of my posts in advance. 
I write and I publish. This would be great if I remembered to edit somewhere in between, but it is what it is. 
Anyhow I say all of this because what you get with my daily posts is either what is on my mind or how I am feeling in that exact moment. And right now..well right now I feel defeated. I know this only because I am well out of PMS range and yet for the past few days I have felt like I want to have an emotional breakdown at any minute. Being a woman is overly annoying the majority of the time. 

For too long I have been in this place of spending my time foolishly, not investing in relationships that need invested in, making decisions I wish I didn't, not making decisions I wish I would have, and the list goes on. 
Yet, I trick myself into believing that I have "all of this" under control. All of this being life. If there's one thing I've learned in my short life it is this: I do not control anything. I'd like to think that I do 99% of the time, but 99% of the time when I believe this..I end up in the same spot I am right now. 

It's amazing what taking your eyes off of yourself will do for your spirit. This afternoon as my brain was starting to brew up all of these thoughts and feelings, I turned on some worship music and in a matter of seconds, things started to feel lighter. He loves me no matter what. And for me, that's some pretty great stuff. 

I'm not sure where I'm going with all of this but maybe I just want to say to somebody out there who is reading--it's okay. We all struggle. We all need grace. None of us have it all figured out. There will be periods of time where we will second guess every decision we make. We will get so behind on everything it seems foolish to try to catch up. We will let people down unintentionally. We will have days that we want to re-do. But it's okay. If it wasn't for these moments of doubt, fear, and defeat we would leave many valuable lessons on the table. We wouldn't yearn to do better, we wouldn't reevaluate if our time and energy is actually being spent in the best possible places, and we wouldn't ever have to look outside of ourselves for answers. 

So for me? I'll take these valleys because what's waiting in the peaks is something far greater than I can even imagine. And heck. The fun is in the journey right? 
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44 comments:

  1. Thanks for this post - much needed tonight. I needed to be reminded that we all have valleys and peaks.

    Keep your head up :)

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  2. thank you for this and for being real. not many people can be honest like this. I feel the same way. Over stupid stuff too, like how I want to make homemade laundry detergent but Im just too lazy to do it. And Im always feeling like crap about being on the computer too much. So I'm comforted by this, alot. thanks :)

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  3. "I'll take these valleys because what's waiting in the peaks is something far greater than I can even imagine."... this is exactly what I needed to hear today.

    Thank you.

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  4. Amen. To all of the above. If we didn't know the sorrows and struggles of the low points, the good things wouldn't be as special as they are. :)

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  5. Love it. We all need grace. You are so right!

    Carly
    www.lipglossandcrayons.com

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  6. I read a running g quote recently that was fab, it starts, "running, much like life, has its hills and valleys..."

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  7. I am sitting here with my daughter and I started feeling some anxiety creep in. I looked at FB to distract myself and see your post. God never fails :) Thanks for the reminder that we all feel this way and need some spirit renewal!

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  8. I'm pretty sure I love you even more for this post!

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  9. Love this post. As miley cyrus once said -
    "There's always gonna be another mountain
    I'm always gonna wanna make it move
    always gonna be an uphill battle
    sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
    ain't about how fast I get there
    ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
    it's the climb"

    Love ya Erin! xoxo

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  10. did you write this post just for me? sheesh i've been having such a hard time lately (recent major anxiety attack) and this made me feel a little bit better. i don't feel so alone.

    thanks girl, i needed this.

    xo the egg out west.

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  11. Appreciate the honesty...and great song :)

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  12. That was beautifully said. It is so easy to become overwhelmed with the everyday and get filled with regret, but as you said there is someone who loves us no matter what shenanigans we get ourselves into, negative thoughts we have, or just funky moods. We are loved and accepted!

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  13. I like these posts. The posts without the sponsors, the posts without the slick advertising. I like the posts where you just write and you're just you.

    :)

    XO,
    Samm
    www.dysfunctionaleverafter.com

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  14. You are such a great writer. I really appreciate your honesty. And I love that when I come to your blog each day I never really know what I am going to get. But, really, that is real life! Not every day is going to be sunshine and flowers! I struggle with depression so I know exactly how you are feeling. I feel like just how you described on more days than I would like to admit.

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  15. Love how open and real you are... Keeping it real makes life more interesting are sure enough... Real! Thank-you for sharing your heart!

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  16. Thank you for sharing this. I've been feeling overwhelmed and lost lately, and I needed to hear this and remember that everyone goes through this.

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  17. Oh, man. You don't know how well-timed and much needed this exact post was for me. Perfect post.

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  18. You're not alone friend. We all struggle and we are all here for you! xoxo JA

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  19. I LOVE the song Something Beautiful!! Such a beautiful song :) And such a beautiful post! Love your heart, Erin!

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  20. I love that song from Needtobreath! It sounds like you could use this song from Gungor too - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJ4yNYY1hHM - you make beautiful things.

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  21. Thanks for sharing! Allow yourself to feel God's grace today!

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  22. Great heartfelt post! We all feel like that, some more often than others. It's good that you care and reflect on things. The problem would be if you didn't care....

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  23. Great post. Definitely need to remind myself that I am not alone and that the struggles are part of life. :)

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  24. I needed this.. it pretty much sums up how I have been feeling lately with all the changes that have been occurring and how I have been desperately hanging on by a thread. LOVE the song.

    ugottahavehart.blogspot.com

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  25. I love this. So uplifting. Thank you!

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  26. <3 love this so much. I've been feeling the same way and yesterday I was on the verge of a break down and no joke my itunes randomly opened up and started playing my favorite worship song. Crazy or what??

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  27. What a perfect post for halfway through the year.... I feel like we shouldn't re-evaulate just at New Years! :)

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  28. "I'll take these valleys because what's waiting in the peaks is something far greater than I can even imagine. And heck. The fun is in the journey right?" I love this.

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  29. Such a wonderful post/reminder! My mom has always said to me "Rather than staring down the massive waves coming at you, move your focus towards Jesus' feet walking on that same wave. If he can walk on that choppy water, what can't he do in your life?" Seems cliche, but ultimately it reminds me that God is so much bigger than my current defeat.
    You have such a beautiful spirit Erin! Thank you for sharing in hopes of reaching someone who needed to hear this. Mission accomplished!

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  30. So true. We all get like this, we just have to push through and know it is part of life.

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  31. So true! You must go through the valleys to get to the peaks! I've been right where you are. It's not something that can be explained, you just know how you feel. Sometimes you do just need a good cry to get you out of your funk. I know it helps me. Sounds crazy I'm sure but, we women do not NEED a reason to cry! HA! & There is something about worship music that makes everything feel ok & that He is right there with us!

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  32. Our lives are so different but your words mean so much to me. I am 30 with two small kiddos - 1&3. I have really been struggling lately with getting it "all" done. I want to be the cool wife that always looks great and has time for my husband when he "needs me" insert eye wink. I want to be the awesome mommy that lets her kids paint and play with play doh, but then I need to be the woman that has a clean kitchen and mopped floors too. It's so hard. There is so much. I ALWAYS let myself down. Thank you for your honest words this am. It helps.

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  33. i hear ya. been going through a weird time myself. we all love you and are here for you :) you are loved by us and our King! woot! xo

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  34. So spot on it's scary. Thank you for writing those words, we all feel them now and again. It helps to know others feel the same.

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  35. I know it's a little nerve wracking to write how we really feel sometimes, especially publishing it in the blog world, but there is nothing more beautiful then having the courage to do so! You're doing awesome, and that Man up stairs; he's got it all taken care of - how freeing is that thought!

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  36. Amen. When I was pregnant with my twins and on bed rest from week 17 to delivery at 34, I could only listen to Christian worship music on K Love because it instantly helped calm me!

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  37. :) love you erin. seriously. so much.

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  38. First of all. "Something Beautiful" by needtobreathe is quite possibly one of my favorite songs!

    Second of all, I understand exactly how you feel... continue to strengthen your relationship with Him and all else will fall right into place!

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  39. NeedToBreathe is probably one of my favorite bands. Love them! Also, I know how you feel. Until recently I felt like I had no direction and had no idea where He wanted me to go or what I was supposed to be doing. It gets easier.
    :)

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  40. God is Great no matter what season we are in! And I LOVE the song Something Beautiful by NTB! It is even the name for my blog and shop on etsy ;)

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I read and appreciate every one of your comments. Thanks for stopping by my space and sharing a piece of yourself on this huge ole internet. I meant that in the least creepy way possible. I'm just good at making everything awkward. Anyhow, thank you for your comments. They make me smile :)