1.13.2013

A Conversation With A Cop

Let's talk about that Zac Brown Band concert for a minute. 
So the whole concert came about on Christmas morning as I opened one of my gifts from Shawn. 
The plan was for the two of us to hit up the concert this past Friday evening, spend the night at the cottage, and be all productive for the remainder of the weekend (I should have known better when I threw productivity into the mix that plans wouldn't go as planned..). Long story short, come Friday evening as we were about to head out for our big night out, Shawn decided to go and get not feeling well on me. Well not technically on me, but you get what I mean. I don't believe I have mentioned that he has been fighting a bacterial infection over the past several weeks, but he has been. At first I assumed he was being a dramatic pansy as most men are when sick, but he decided to prove me wrong by going to the doctor and getting told he has something that can be quite serious. I would've preferred to not get proven wrong for several reasons but whatevs. You win some, you lose some. In this case, we both lost. 

Needless to say, upon discovering that Shawn wouldn't be able to come Friday night I did what any reasonable woman would do. I bawled like a freaking baby and poured myself a rum and diet. I also then started sending out texts left and right to see if any friends would help get me out of my misery and use up the other ticket that was going to go to waste otherwise. Luckily my other concert loving friend obliged and off we went. 
The concert was amazefest USA as expected (amazefest USA is my new term now..amazeballs is so 2012. just fyi). We sang along, got all jazzed up, and decided we should absolutely go out after the concert for a little nightcap of sorts. 
brie + cocktails. the best nightcap out there.

This is when the night got interesting. 
So upon leaving this bar/restaurant, there was a cop blocking my way where I needed to turn out. 
Naturally I didn't know what to do (I say naturally because it's just normal for me to not really know what I am doing in any situation..). Thankfully el coppo signaled for me to go around him. I heard my GPS spewing off words about "turn left" but I had other plans and knew my GPS had no clue what she was talking about. 
I turned right.  As soon as I turn, I see that same cop pull out, turn his lights on, and pull me over. 
yes I took a picture because why wouldn't I take a picture?

Bloody. 
The rest unfolds: 

Cop: "Do you know why I pulled you ladies over?"
Me (deer in headlight eyes, heart beating out my chest, sweat dripping off my forehead): "Uhh..no?"
Cop: "You just turned the wrong way on a one way."
Me: "Oooooh. My GPS was telling me to turn the other way but I thought for sure this was the right way.."
Cop: "Sounds like you need to listen to your GPS more often. I'm going to go ahead and have you breathe into this.." 

I tried to grab it out of his hands. He sternly told me that he would be holding it while I blow. I told him I've heard that before... 
Bad joke. But funny. 

At this point the police officer hands me a breathalyzer. I don't care if you have never had a sip of alcohol in your life, you convince yourself that you are 100% over the legal limit and will be spending the rest of your life in jail. 

Cop: ".027"
Me: "Uhhh.... .027. Is that bad or good?"
Cop: "Out of .08, you're good." 
He starts laughing at how ridiculous this all is. 
Me: "Okay well I really am sorry about all of this...we are just trying to get our way home back to Indiana."

We were already in Indiana. In fact, we had never left Indiana. 
Cop realizes we really are just dumb in general. 
After issuing in two additional cops, he lets me go with a warning in tow. 
One U-turn later, we were back on the right track with a solid night of classic lines and memories. 

And that my friends is the adventure of my Friday evening.  

Can't wait to see what I unwrap next Christmas. 
*************************************************************
Today's featured sponsor is Rachel from lala Lists
I knew I loved her from the moment she sent me a picture of Bill and Giuliana on the cover of a magazine announcing that they are having a second baby. That's a lie. I actually loved her before then, but that helped seal the deal. The woman is absolutely hilarious. I knew so after I read her first "In my own opinion" post (read it, it's funny..and then link up to those suckers, because it's fun. trust me, I've done it). If you still don't believe me, check out her lust list for 2013 which includes an armadillo beer holder along with a napkin clip. Aside from her funny antics, she knows how to style the heck out of outfits, and has learned how to have one of the most entertaining blogs out there. Added bonus? She kinda makes me like cats. Kinda. 
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38 comments:

  1. Haha this sounds like something that would happen to me!

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  2. hahahh! AMAZING!!! thank god y'all are okay though! At first when I read this i was like HOLY EFF .027!?!? (but i was thinking 0.20 which is basically comatose. Then i was like ooohhh yes .08 is the legal limit haha

    glad the concert was amazefest though! a friend of mine in college works the sound for them and I am continuously jealous of all his pics of every concert he goes to! it looked awesome!!!

    i am awkward around cops. I once was driving and a cop was behind me, no lights on, and then he pulled up on my right. I saw him waving his arms at me through the window and i sat there sitting forward with my hands on 10 and 2 like shit shit shit shit. And he kept waving and waving and i kept shitting and shitting. Then he did his little "BUULEEEP" (thats the sound i think is when the cop flicks their siren for half a second)....turns out he told me one of my tail lights was flickering. DOYYY

    happy sundaaaay!!! :)
    xoxoxo

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    Replies
    1. "and I kept shitting and shitting"

      I BUSTED A GUT laughing at this.

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  3. This post is Amazefest USA. Love it.

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  4. Holy crap! I work in law enforcement (not a cop) but I have a TON of cop friends and this still would have scared the crap outta me! Lol

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  5. I said the same type of bad but funny joke to a cop once when I had to breath into a breathalyzer when he aske if i can blow. I thought I was being funny but apparently I was the only one who found it humorous!!

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  6. I've always had this weird desire to get pulled over by a cop who forces me to say the alphabet backwards while walking on the dotted line. And then he would be amazed because I can say the alphabet backwards, like, SO FAST. However, I have only gotten pulled over once for rolling through a stop sign, and I promptly burst into tears. Not quite as awesome.

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  7. At least you got a warning! I got pulled over a month ago and got my first ticket ever! The copy was a jerk for the record :P

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  8. First off, glad to hear you found someone to see Zac Brown Band with you... that would have been a shame to miss it. Second, I would have panicked about being over the limit even if I didn't take a sip of alcohol too. Glad you only turned the wrong way on a one way. :)

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  9. I could be the most perfect driver in the entire world and I still freak out if I see a cop. My dad is a cop but, for some reason I just freak out.

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  10. I've totally done this shizz in broad daylight! Luckily with no cops around, but unluckily in a ritzy area of town in which I was already out of place... Eff me.

    Lesson learned: let the hubby, or anyone else, drive. Always!

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  11. I hope hubby gets well soon. Good thing you didn't go over! What a nightmare that would have been.

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  12. GIRL I WOULDA HAD A STROKE RIGHT THERE IN THE CAR! My heart was beating fast for you even as I was reading. Ugh. Glad that all turned out okay. Scurry. :/

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  13. Hahaha oh, I love this! "we had never left Indiana" made me laugh out loud. I say the dumbest things when I am nervous, so I am only comforted that you are not quite yourself when caught off guard by cops, either.

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  14. LOL You won the breathalyzer challenge!

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  15. Ha Ha Amazefest USA! love it.
    I can't stand being pulled over by cops, even if I haven't had a drink in over a month I am still positive I am going to jail for some reason!
    I totally love Rachel for LaLa Lists, so glad that you had her on your post today.
    xx

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  16. I would have been pooping my pants! And I love the term amazefest!

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  17. lmao...i can't believe you actually said that to the cop!! so funny!

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  18. All of you are looking so gorgeous in all images thank you for the sharing.

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  19. I am LOL over your comment to the cop about the blow issue, he probably told that to all his guys at the station. Hysterical. I do not drink but still get nervous when I am pulled over, I think we are all scared of cops as they can destroy our lives and take away our civil rights in a heartbeat, or ruin a nice night out at a concert with friends. Glad your OK! Drat GPS anyway, its all the GPS fault!!!!:)

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  20. I like amazefest USA! Your story with the cop is just that!

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  21. OMG I would of freaked. I would of been crying..you are amazing to handle that so well!

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  22. You handled this situation so well - I think most cops are a bit refreshed when people are A) Friendly, B) Take them seriously but C) still try to smile, make a small joke and not be rude to them.

    I've been in your shoes. I was speeding in North Carolina. I was driving home after going to a Marine Corps. ball that night. I had a few beers at the party but nothing for hours after that. When I got pulled over I think the cop assumed out of state tags, I must be military and or a girl dating a military guy (wrong on both accounts, just friends, double dating with my bestie and HER military boyfriend). SO yeah... long story short.. I had to do the breathalyzer and I was scurreedddd. I had just shoved gum in my mouth, and passed the test, whew. I had to do the pen test too (follow with your eyes) etc. ALl for speeding. I'm glad that cops are out trying to clean up the streets. I'm just glad I didn't crap myself and make their job more difficult.

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  23. "Cop realizes we really are just dumb in general."

    I can relate. The latest case of me + cops (there are several stories but I'll just pick the most recent) is where I was texting at a red light on a four-lane road. Little did I know there was a state trooper literally right next to me stopped at the same light, staring at me while I stared at my phone. Whoop whoop! Pulls me over and proceeds to tell me the fact that I had no idea there was a cop beside me is EXACTLY why texting and driving is illegal - being oblivious to things around me.

    I decided against telling him that 1 - I was stopped at a light, not driving, thankyouverymuch, and 2 - I'm oblivious to what's going on around me no matter what I'm doing.

    Let me go with a warning.

    And a pat on the head.

    And telling me (in nicer words) not to be so dumb in general.

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  24. haha oh my gosh this is a great post. 1) I love The Zac Brown band, and am insanely jealous that you got to see them! 2) I also love baked brie! 3) I hate being pulled over- though your story is pretty darn funny! I'm glad I wasn't the friend riding with you, because I would have been dying laughing the entire time. Soooo glad you decided to share!

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  25. So jealous you got to go to ZBB! I bet they are a great concert!

    & yeah, I was riding with my sister when she got pulled over for the first time, and we saw the red and blue flashers in our rearview, & I believe we looked at each other and our convo went a little like this:
    Her: Umm.
    Me: Umm.
    Her: Are we getting pulled over?!
    Me: I don't know!!!
    Her: Holy SH** we're getting pulled over.

    Yeah, not one of our finer moments!

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  26. hahaha this is amazing and hysterical and totally something I'd do!

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  27. First of all, I'm obsessed with ZBB and so jealous you got to go. Waiting for them to make their way to me here in WA.
    Second, aren't breathalyzers fun? Last time I blew one (no pun intended), I got it up to a .151. Yeah, that didn't end well :( ha, glad you got off with a warning! :)

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  28. ok. hollllddddd up! so I knew that you were from Indiana BUT there is NO way that you are from Ft. Wayne (or nearby) riiight!? I grew up in Ft. Wayne (hello Glenbrook mall and the roller dome!) and my mom has a place on Syracuse lake that we go to every summer. What city are you in!?

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  29. My husband is a cop- I read this to him last night in bed and we laughed. Did you really say that to him!? Pure awesomeness.

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  30. I just want to say that it is really nice sharing and all the images are looking fantastic.

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  31. Haha the joke was funny! My luck would be I would say it and I would be arrested for harrassment lol.

    Sar=)

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  32. Hhaha I love what the cop said about the breathalyzer!

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  33. I would pay money to have seen that go down. Bahahah

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I read and appreciate every one of your comments. Thanks for stopping by my space and sharing a piece of yourself on this huge ole internet. I meant that in the least creepy way possible. I'm just good at making everything awkward. Anyhow, thank you for your comments. They make me smile :)