7.31.2012

How To Be A Funny Blogger.

Oh you guys.
I was totally going to write a post today, I swear.
But then I remembered sitting on the couch with my heating pad sounded way better.
It's like my new favorite hobby all of a sudden.
But have no fear, I wrote a post over here.
And no, you have never read it before....
It's all about "How to be a funny blogger"

Something a few of you could learn a thing or two about....

That was a joke. Get it? That was humor.
Lesson number one...use jokes that slam your readers.
It will get you real far.

And if you can't be funny with words....you may as well be with pictures. Preferably of yourself.
And if it's going to be of yourself--it may as well be in goggles. While making a duck face.
Because that's hot.

Crap.
It feels like I am totally writing a blog post.
Gotta get back to my heating pad.

USA USA USA USA USA USA.

Forgive me...I keep randomly catching myself chanting that out loud.
Olympic symptoms.
They get the best of you every time.... 

See you over here bean stalks.

Speaking of bean stalks. I posed for pictures IN corn stalks the other day.
Because that's normal.
Told you.
More on that "lets drive around the countryside and take pictures with every Amish related thing we can find" later though.

I'm outta this joint.
Or at least to smoke one......

JOKE.

See. I am full of humor.
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7.30.2012

Gold Medalist Baby


And this my friends, is how you get it done.

See you on the winners podium. 
You bring the gold medal...I'll bring the freakish face and nose plugs.
Lots and lots of nose plugs.

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7.29.2012

Shutting Up.

There are a few things I have learned in my old age friends.
Say for instance stop signs, you should always stop at those suckers
{Even in your own neighborhood. Thank you $121 ticket for reminding me of this...}
Another good one is--Don't walk into Target if you don't want to spend any money.
Can't forget about this one--always hold the door open for old folks.
And last but not least, don't speak if you don't have anything to say.

Today, I am going to follow lesson number four and shut up for a minute.
Sometimes moments are too good to even write about.

This weekend was certainly one of those--I could try to ramble on about how great it was, and how there were moments this weekend where I wished I could freeze time forever, but ya know what--
I'm not going to. There are no words that could really justify how I felt this weekend.
So instead, I am turning it over to my pictures for the day.
Hopefully they will do a decent job of getting my point across.
And if they don't...well then it looks like we're all screwed.
Enjoy.

God bless you weekends.

Now before I let all you pip squeaks go for the day I have two things to announce.

The first one being "Mondays with Miss Chic".
Today we have this fancy schmancy black solid sleeveless dress for all you pretty things.
All you have to do is enter code YELLOW5 for $5 off this baby.
That means it's $30 bucks...for a dress that you can wear both day and night.
So really that makes it about $15 if you think about it that way.
Women's shopping logic--learn it.
Get your shop on now.
Also--make sure you are following Miss Chic on Twitter and Facebook for new merchandise and promos. Your closet will thank you.

K one last thing--the winner of the gigantic July giveaway was number 309 (out of 1,744..phew) Christina at My Life, Laughs, and Love. Congrats lady..you just won a ton of stuff.
I will be emailing you in the next couple of days :)

Shoot gotta go--the USA gymnastics team is making their way to my TV right now.
If only I had time to write a ridiculous blog post about how creepily obsessed I was with them back in 1996.....oh the possibilities.

PS. I realize that my husband is missing from a lot of photos on my blog posts. He has this condition called "I don't like my picture being taken". I am trying to find medication to heal this, but so far I've had no luck. Anybody out there that can help with this major medical issue? I'm begging--Help a sister out.

Now go surprise yourselves and do something wild--like have a great Monday or something equally ironic.
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7.26.2012

If I Had Kids I Would Never Pee.

Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces baby Jesus,
Thank you for finallllly thinking it was a good idea to deem this day as Friday.
Enough with this Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday shaz.
I am so excited I could pee my pants.
No literally, I really have to pee right now.
Be right back.

Okay we’re good now.
I don’t know why I thought of this just now, but the other week when I was babysitting I was minding my own in their restroom releasing the six glasses of wine I had just consumed {what? I was babysitting…can you blame me?} when that little three year old waltzed right in and said
“GET OFF THE TOILET..I HAVE TO PEE”
Goodness mothers.
All I have to say is that I feel for you and your half empty bladders.

Moving on—it’s been a good week folks.
Way good at that.
Anytime you mix two live country concerts, a giant elephant ear, the season finale of the Bachelorette, a mow job {yes I just said mow job and yes I meant mow job} and your best friend home from Nashville, you are only setting yourself up for success.
As a drugged out Charlie Sheen circa 2011 would say “winning”.
Good times with that little Nashvillian I tell you what.

Oh hey real quick—if you are stopping over from Eat Yourself Skinny—Holllleeeerrr.
Welcome to my blog “Eat Yourself Fat”.
It’s true. I talk about macaroni and cheese around these parts like it’s goin’ out of style.
Hey, it’s not my fault Kraft had to go and invent the stuff.
Nor is it my fault that I find it necessary to inhale it three times a week.

K, well one last thing and then I swear I will shut up for the day.
I just want to talk briefly about somebody who is near and dear to me and I want you all to go meet.
You have probably heard of her before because she is pretty famous in blogland, but if not—allow me to introduce you to Laura over at Our Reflection.
Laura has grown her blog significantly over the last year and I blame it on nothing but tons of hard work and genuine relationships. She is a mother by day and blogger/photographer/social media guru by evening.
Do yourself a favor and go pay Laura a visit. Oh and hey—while you are over there you may notice a giveaway where you can win some free ad space from moi ;)
Cheers for new friends. Can I get an amen? Amen.

Wait. One final thing.
Thanks to everybody and their mother who linked up yesterday.
I will be making my way to your blogs as soon as I get some free time.
So probably somewhere around 2016 ;)
Kidding.
I’ll be there sometime soon…but for now, I’ve got a major date planned with just me and my bed.
It’s about to get full of sleep up in herrrrrr.

Happy Weekend Lovers.



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