My Former Life.

I’ve been delaying this post for a long time kids.
It’s something that I thought I would never actually talk about on this blog.
Mostly out of fear what you would all think about me and my “past”.
It is a dark scary place and something I don’t like to think back on…..
I am certainly not proud of what I did in my former years and I wish this upon nobody.
Thankfully I am now to a place though that I feel “okay” to talk about it.
The memories are tough but seemingly bearable.
It’s time to be honest with you all…
I used to be a Mary Kay consultant.
There. I said it. My secret is out.
You may be saying to yourselves “what’s the big deal?!?”
I will tell you what the big deal is ladies.
I used to be that girl.
That girl that would wander around Target, Kohls, Wal-Mart, etc just waiting for my opportunity to pounce on a cute girl. {that just got awkward}
I would find these girls and by “happenstance” be looking at the same necklace they would be.
And that’s when it would happen. I would open my mouth and recite something to the effect of
“You are so cute. I just love your shirt!! Have you ever had a Mary Kay facial before?!”
And I would do this for hours upon hours. Which always resulted in a very frustrated and tired phone call to my husband saying “I only got 5 girls to sign up for facials today! My feet are SO tired of walking around Target. I accidentally spent $230 when I was in there. I don’t think this whole “warm chatter” thing is paying off…”
And every single time he would laugh in my face and think I was the most absurd female on planet Earth. And he was right girls. He was so freakin’ right.
I was a facial freak.
Day in, day out, I would give “facials” to strangers in my house.
Never making a dime.
But oh I thought I was so business savvy….
Panty hose and all.
Last week I had an opportunity to bring back my facial giving days.
And this time, I didn’t even have to walk around Kohls for three hours to make it happen.
Insert this little girl {who is now taller than I am…what?}
Oh what a difference seven years can make....
How cute is she? Seriously.
And you know what? It was pretty dang fun. 
It may have something to do with the fact that I wasn't trying to squeeze every dollar out of her.
Or maybe because this time I actually knew a little bit about what I was doing. Maybe it's because for once I realized I was helping an already beautiful girl feel a little bit more beautiful....Or heck, it's probably just because I love her so much. Yeah, I think it's that.
So Zoe, if you are reading--thank you ;)
All of this got me curious though---what did you do in your "former life"?
Share in the comments below...I'd love to hear it.

ps. If you are a Mary Kay consultant I do not think less of you. Unless you approach me in Target and sucker me into coming to your house for a "free" facial. In which case I will punch you in the face.
pss. I wouldn't actually punch you in the face. But I would kick you in the shins. After buying three mascaras, ten containers of eye make up remover, and two lip glosses, thank you very much.



  1. Love this post. I was a Mary Kay Consultant too. I hated every minute of it. I am not good at being pushy. Right now with my business I should be pushy. But I would rather some one buy from me because they love my product not because I shoved it down their throat. And yet like 5 of my friends sell MK. Ugh.

  2. I was a waitress at Buffalo Wild Wings. Seriously, I still miss the money I made at that place! Football season = dolla dolla bills! ;-)

  3. I laughed when I read this, I had a Mary Kay consultant approach me in DSW and I felt bad saying no to my makeover so I gave her my number. The only problem was she kept calling me like 5 times and it got a bit awkward when I had to keep ignoring her calls.

  4. Haha I knew there was no way someone like you had a real dark past. Until you pulled out the MC consultant thing. That shit is dark.

    I used to dress as a chef and make food for high school kids in schools. Did I tell you this? It wasn't that bad....

  5. I was a MK consultant...seriously tights and closed toe shoes to meetings...forget it!

  6. Great post! We all have those "skeletons" in our closet! In my former life I worked construction! Hardhat, boots, and all! I did manage to stay stylin with pink cargo pants and fur boots in the winter!


  7. This was funny!

    I was a Certified Bra Fitter for Macy's wayyy back in the day. I saw lots and lots and lots of ta-ta's.

  8. LOL I used to be a Mary Kay consultant and have the same feeling about it as you!
    Although I still have a passion for makeup and LOVE to give makeovers!!

  9. Hehehe :)

    I used to be a social worker/case manager working in people's homes who were at risk of losing their children to the State and who were being reunified with their children.

    I'm now a Sales Consultant at the largest dealership in my city (if not state). Basically, I sell cars :)

  10. Haha hilarious!

    I do not have a dark past to report as I am indeed perfect.

    Except for that time when I made sandwiches for my college cafeteria. With my hair nets and smelling like French fries and ham it is any wonder that I ever got picked up in college.

  11. I've had lots of former lives...Disney Store Castmember, Translator, Waitress (one day), Receptionist, um...oh and party girl:)

  12. OMG!!! This is crazy because this past winter I was in Target and was approached by a gorgeous Mary Kay consultent. I explained to her that I'm never home and that I don't have the time for a facial, or else I would (yeah right!). Well, she called me several times and finally gave up. Since then I've seen her in Target many times and dodge her everytime, going unnoticed. I thought it was a coindcidence though! Hahahaha!!!! I had no idea that that was their "thing" -- You know, to approach girls in Target. Bahahaha!!!!!!

  13. Once upon a time, I was a professional window washer, I insulated basements, brief stint in landscaping (ugh), a sandwich artist, and the worst of them all...a phonebook deliverer.

  14. The MK convention was just held in downtown Dallas by my building. I haven't been able to leave my apt in 3 weeks. They've been EVERYWHERE. ;-) jk. Kind of. Too much laughing & confidence!

  15. i watered flowers at a plant nursery.
    for a measly $5/hour.
    that was LESS than minimum wage.
    wtf was i thinking on that one?

  16. I sold Avon and it was awful...I always spent more than I made and was the worst salesperson ever! A great company but no one wanted to buy any from me! But how could I expect them to when I preferred MAC and other brands instead, too?

  17. Oh man, I freaking love you, you're hilarious! In my former life (high school) I painted propane tanks....My mom worked at a propane company in the office so I got to come and repaint the tanks, I think I got like $8 per tank or something during the summer. It was awful!

    Great post girl (as always)!


  18. Wow, I had no idea Mary Kay consultants did that. But now, I will be on the lookout while shopping at Target and Kohl's ;)
    I sold Cutco knives about 10 years ago. I hated every minute of it and was so thankful when my non-paid internship offered to pay me so I could quit asking all my parents friends to buy knives!

  19. Ha, I had that happen to me while out shopping once but I was able to head them off by telling them my Mom sells Avon and it would be a conflict of interest. ;) True story too, I wasn't even lying, haha! I've had several former lives apparantly. Data entry, receptionist, trophy shop employee,daycare worker and now After School Administration. I've never really noticed until typing it out just how random all that was. Haha!

  20. I was a ballet teacher! True story!!

  21. I used to work at Macy's.. in the junior's department.

    And yes, most of my paycheck went to clothes.

  22. Horse trainer, recruiter, beer girl... I have a checkered past ;)

  23. HAHAHAHAHA I just died laughing out loud as soon as I saw the Mary Kay thing. Seriously though a few girls I went to high school with are doing that and they blow up my phone and facebook on the regular begging to do facials on me and my friends. Oh my, this is too funny. Thanks for being a trooper and sharing your dark past with us! :]

  24. thank you for making me laugh on the daily, bahahahaha

  25. Yikes! I had no idea this was a MK trick! Should I be offended that I've never been "hit on" at Target? :)

    When I was 16, I worked for one day at a hospital cafeteria. I was supposed to make sure the lactose intolerant people didn't get milk, the diabetics didn't get sugar food etc. I quit when I found that out. :)

  26. haha. I avoid them and Avon Consultants at all costs!! I used to be a pizza server, a nose wiper (daycare worker), and a file clerk.

  27. Oh man, I have a friend (or acquatience) who sells Mary Kay and she is about thisfreakingclose to getting hidden off my newsfeed on FB.

    Let's seeeeee....what did I do in my former life. Well I started out my workin' girl days at Fashion Bug, then I quit because my boss was a bitch lady and scheduled a meeting and me to work without ever telling me after I was off for a week. Then, I worked for an ambulance chasin' chiropractor dealing with auto insurance and attorneys. Then I interned and worked for my cousin doing event planning and marketing for his telecom company. It was fun until my boss left, I took over, and realized I was doing stuff I never want to do so I stopped working and got fired (I blamed it on being super busy with my senior year of college...kind of true but not really). I also sold wine. I liked that and miss it. I might do it again. Phew. I've done a lot more than I give myself credit for.

  28. I was approached by a MK consultant last year, it was the most bizarre thing. In my infinite naivete I thought she really wanted to "boost her portfolio with before & after microdermabrasion photos" of my freckle face. $100 in a sketchy neighborhood later...
    I worked at abercrombie kids in my past life. Still can't smell Fierce w/o wanting to gag.
    finer feelings

  29. Hahaha I have mixed feelings about this. Because I'm a perfectly posh consultant, which is very new and I've had the honor to posh you! I worry about hounding friends and strangers. But at the same time I can relate to trying to make money calling people and asking to host parties.

    I don't have any cool stories like the others. But I do wear a shirt that' says I'm an all natural stripper because it's a product posh sells ;-)

  30. Oh my gosh I am cracking up! I used to be a Mary Kay consultant too... Only I am so painfully shy and awkward I never had the guts to start up the "warm chatter"ing. I just relied on pity-sales from friends and family- Thanks mom for buying a bunch of face wash and Satin Hands sets!! Ha! One good thing is, I have SO MANY leftover samples, I will probably NEVER have to buy eyeshadow ever again in this lifetime lol

  31. Bahaha I just discovered your blog, so this was the first post I read. I was like whoa, what's she gonna say? Eating disorder? Criminal background? No. Mary Kay. Ha! Definitely chuckled.
    In my former life I was a cheerleader for the Minnesota Vikings for one crazy year. Now it seems like all that craziness never even happened to me, and I suddenly remember sometimes, like oh yeah I did that...

    Anyway, cute post! Bookmarked you blog :)

  32. Oh. my. gosh. Seriously. I have SUCH a long Mary Kay story! Long story short: I swear that Mary Kay has a bounty out for me. Everywhere I go, I have ladies asking me, pink Cadillacs everywhere... It all started when I was going to be a consultant backed out. I'm cursed by the Mary Kay gods!

  33. I had a MK consultant come to my door and my husband opened it and she asked him if he had a wife that would like to have a facial for mother's day, and of course my husband "yeah she's here." I tried to say "no" so nicely but she wouldn't take no for an answer so I gave up and told her I will take samples and damn it i loved the face wash so much that I actually bought some. Lol. My old supervisor tried to convince that working for MK is fun, after reading all of these comments I'm starting to think not. Lol

  34. Haha! OMG I love this! I've been suckered into so many Mary Kay facials and every time I get pressured into buying something or they try to convince me that I too need to become a consultant, great story, hilarious!

  35. Hahaha!!! Love it!
    I was a MK consultant, a Pampered Chef consultant, and a Premier Jewelry consultant.
    I think maybe I'm really just a product junkie.

  36. You are so cute Erin!! I loved this post!! It is always fun to try something new in making yourself beautiful :)

  37. I'm trying to imagine you "pouncing" on women at Target, and that image makes me laugh. In my former life I was obsessed with Harrison Ford. I still think he's real good lookin' for an old dude, but I was a bit over the top.

  38. This is so embarrassing, through college I was a parking booth attendant. Yes... I was that person that made you pay by the hour in parking. It was a super easy, well paying student job that allowed me to study. But every time I look at it on my resume I cringe...

    Haha! Loved this post Erin! that brought back a few memories!

  39. Looooove the older picture of you :)

  40. I was an Ann Summer's party rep....you may have to google that one :)

  41. Hi Erin, I worked in our local hospitals Obs and Gyne department during the uni hols. What an education that was!! Faye xx

  42. I love this! Your post, this question, so funny. I was a waitress at a Chinese restaurant in college. Not everyone spoke English, and sometimes I had to sign "crab rangoon" to the cook in order to place the customer's order. Those were the good ol' days.

  43. In my former life I was a U.S. Marine. Now I'm a stay at home mommy to 3 cuties. :)

  44. Bahaha! Awesome post.

    In my former life I was a high school teacher... Whattt!

  45. I used to be a consultant for all of 30 seconds. I am a MK consultant magnet, all my life they find me..EVEN at a doctor appointment for surgery prep! Is that even legal. I finally gave in, in college,but it was not for me. Never the less, I love their products but that's about it.

  46. I was actually considering being a MK consultant for awhile. Until I remembered I don't like talking to strangers. The I became an insurance agent...and that was worse. Much worse. Good idea for a post though!

  47. My friend calls me the "Village Person" because I've had so many differny jobs:

    Skate Park/Roller Rink Party Girl (I took that to the full extent)
    2 Pharmacies
    American Eagle
    Mortgage Company
    Home health care store
    2 Optometrists/optical offices
    1 personal training/physical therapy office
    1 breast/general surgery office

    aaand I've been a consultant for Mary Kay, Mark (line of Avon), Scentsy and Willow House.

    Yup. True Story. Hopefully the stay at home mom going back to school thing works out! lol

  48. Not mine, but my boyfriend's former life was selling Kirby Vacuum Cleaners from house to house. His greatest line was "it even has a light to spot oncoming Kirby's!" hahaha makes me laugh everygtime.


  49. This made me laugh. I joined Mary Kay as a consultant just to get a lot of the makeup. I was an NFL cheerleader at the time so this worked out perfect for me.

  50. hahaha - funny story, I was called last week that I "won" a pampering package from Mary Kay. She's coming over tonight, and I so badly want to cancel but I couldn't say no.

  51. LOL this post made me laugh. I had no idea people really came up to you and made small talk like that to get a sale... until it happened to me last month! She was so friendly and just happened to be looking at the same body lotion as me in Target... then she asked if I would be interested in diversifying my assets. I was so taken aback that I actually DID give her my number, then she called and called and CALLED for a week before finally TEXTING me that she was "disappointed in me." THAT put me over the edge. I now avoid the Target body lotion aisle. ;-)

  52. Two words: CHRISTMAS ELF.

    In a mall. There were bells involved and I wore weird circular blush blobs on my cheeks.

  53. Hahaha. Ha. I was a MK consultant. Briefly. Wasn't the job for me, quite frankly. I think quite a few gals out there try MK or Avon or something like that at some point in their lives...

    Of Thoughts and Things

  54. I was a Mary Kay consultant for like 5 minutes but their products broke my face out SO BAD that it was impossible to sell stuff I couldn't honestly say rocked! I'm glad you're not lurking around the Target beauty aisle anymore, imagine all the money you're saving! ;)

  55. Haha love the comparison pics! Too funny!

  56. Mine's worse. I sold Avon. Very briefly. Veeeeerrrrry briefly. So embarassing.

  57. I used to sell Mary Kay too. I don't want to talk about it. Ha!

  58. Hmmm... in my former life I shoveled the poo of famous horses like the Budweiser Clydesdales, I worked in a shop on the beach for a summer where I gained 20 pounds in 4 weeks b/c I only ate things for lunch that I could buy at the walgreens next door, I was a barista in a cafe who once waited on one of the Power Rangers, (looks way different out of costume), I worked the men and women's section of JC Penny (measuring random men for shirts and slacks...kind of a nightmare... don't get me started on the inseam.) I taught 7th and 8th grade (loved it!), and now I write grants for a non-profit...

  59. sooo in regards to mary kay. my mom sold mary kay when i was a wee one... and then in college there was this mary kay consultant that called ME NONSTOP and i was a poor college student and eventually i put her in my phone as "mary kay lady-- do not answer!!!"

    i don't have a former life. i used to work the night shift at a newspaper and now i work in marketing for a big schmancy company. the end.

  60. HA! This is so hilarious. Especially because I've totally been pounced on in Target by Mary Kay girls before. I could NEVER do that job. I am way too shy and hate the general public way too much. A lady I work with now sells Avon and constantly leaves her catalogs all up in our business. Obnoxious.

    Since I've only been out of college a year, I don't have much of a former life. However I can't wait until I can consider this job my former life. Sheesh!

  61. I was invited to a MK party once (not knowing what it was) and was pressured into buying a bunch of stuff I couldn't afford. I ended up like it but never bought it again. I'm a Scentsy consultant but I try very hard not to pressure anyone. I think the products sell themselves! :)

  62. I love this! I think it's great you're still using your past work experience today. I have been meaning to write a post like this, I'm a former manicurist and often times I miss it... then I think about giving pedicures and I'm happy I got my degree in Graphic Design ;) No more dirty piggies for me, but I miss the days of gossiping at the salon with the ladies.

    You have inspired me to dig into the past and write some fun blog posts. Thanks girl.

    P.S. I've been to one Mary Kay party in my life and I loved it - it helped that the rep was young and fun, like you. We all have to make a living and why not make it by making other women feel great about themselves right? :)

  63. haha this is so true! I signed up to be a Mary Kay consultant and ended up spending way more than I made! Plus, I felt like the meetings were just $5 excuses to talk and eat. I'm very done with that experience. Lesson learned!


  64. I used to do Mary Kay, and warm chatter was my nemesis. I think it only worked for me once, and only because the lady had just moved to CO from MK Mecca... errr, Dallas. She was a total ringer.

  65. Haha!! I love this post! I a Merle Norman beauty consultant in college. My most favorite job in the whole entire world. I got to give makeovers all day long and put makeup on myself :)

  66. BAHAHA! I totally got sucked into being a MK consultant too! I hated every second of it. I was never as ambitious as you, though. After my friends didn't buy anything from me and I had no car and realized going door to door sucked bigtime I threw in the towel. Best decision I ever made.

  67. I love my MK consultant. shes super sweet! I dont think anything less of you! Have a happy Thursday and be sure to check out my giveaway ending tonight!. BTW I am your newest follower and cannot wait to read more of your posts and hope that maybe you can return the favor and follow The Preppy Student. I always comment for every comment left on my page and hope to start a friendly relationship with your wonderful blog!

  68. I wish I just had one...between HR Manager, Payroll Processor, Marketing Assistant, and restaurant worker extraordinaire...I've settled in as Art Teacher and Jewelry designer :)

    In my former/current life, I was/kindofstillam:
    -Wedding & Event planner

    Oh the many things I can do now with a glue gun. :)

  70. Hilarious! I was a Mary Kay gal, too! I never made a damn dime! I seriously thought that Mary K. selling Mary Kay would be golden! Ugh. :)

  71. ahhaha. so freaking funny. I can't lie, I do use (and love) the products. Oh and I should also admit that I've been to a "conference". But before I knew it, we were chanting and singing songs ... and I was getting the hell out of dodge. :)


I read and appreciate every one of your comments. Thanks for stopping by my space and sharing a piece of yourself on this huge ole internet. I meant that in the least creepy way possible. I'm just good at making everything awkward. Anyhow, thank you for your comments. They make me smile :)