8.27.2012

I'm A Sucker For Festivals and Champagne

Oh hi friends.
It feel's good to be back...giveaways are exciting and all for readers but pssssssssh....I hate not being able to say much on blog posts. Which is why I am going to write a 801,000 word novel starting now.

That was a joke.
I don't even know 801,000 words.
I also don't know why a friend of ours is in our kitchen eating a ghost pepper {legit the hottest pepper in the world up until 2007. Google that shaz} right now but that is neither here nor there. I just keep hearing 
"Do you guys have any tums?!" followed up with spits in our sink. 

You would think I am kidding but no. Here is he in all of his "GIVE ME WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DRINK OR DIE!!!!" glory. Awwww everybody say "Hi Brett"
We like to kill our friends when they come over apparently. My husband works with Indians.
Hence having a ghost pepper in our house. Not that you needed to know that but now you do. 
You also don't need to know that one day a month I wish I would've gotten knocked up so I wouldn't have to experience cramps but you do now. That day being today. 
Don't worry, those thoughts have now passed and I am rejoicing in the "no baby in my stomach" Gods.

I should really get back to the point of this post. 
Ironically enough I wasn't planning on writing a whole post about us killing our friends and how I secretly wish I would've been knocked up for a few hours out of the day.
We (I) try to keep those things a secret.

Okay back on topic.
Festivals. I'm obsessed. In fact I like to say that I live for them.
Give me a pretty garden, live music, a glass of wine, artists, and food and well....
You get this. 
This picture reminds me, have I ever told you I have a dent in my leg?
I have a dent in my leg. Look on my upper thigh. You'll see it. Fricken childbirth. 
I must have been like a sling shot coming out and happened to hit a tree limb or something along the way. 
I don't know what else possibly could have caused a giant dent in my leg? 
I am off topic again.
Although honestly, I need to address something quickly. This is important. 

I keep reading all of these blog posts (okay two) in the last couple of weeks that go into detail about every step of their birthing experience. Each time I have to read about an epidural and how their body is suddenly washed with a numbness. People, don't you understand that hypochondriacs read this stuff?! 
After two blog posts now my body has gone completely numb which makes it real awkward when I have to get up from the computer and walk somewhere. Danggit, I am numb again. Fricken epidurals. 

Anyhow, like I was going to say before I went numb, my husband kept telling me to stop dancing at said festival. Something about the hundreds of people around (none of which were dancing) I don't know.
My life motto is if you aren't embarrassing yourself you aren't having fun. 
Write that one down and use it kids. 

Here are some "I am not dancing but my husband is eating a bear" pictures from the festival this weekend. 
And he thinks that is normal..
Shirt: Aerie//Shorts: Kohls

I wish I could live at one big giant festival 24/7. 

You know what else I wish I could do 24/7?
Pop champagne bottles.
No but seriously, I think it is the most empowering thing one can do.
Who needs to climb to the top of Mount Everest when you can pop bottles?
That's another life motto. Write that one down too.

Needless to say, I made sure that our weekend included poppin' bottles.
Thankfully our friends gave us a reason to celebrate so celebrate we did.
Let's look at the faces of Erin during the course of the bottle popping festivities shall we?
I start off normal. Excited, but normal. From there I suddenly think this is the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. Like ever. So then I start to scrunch my nose and scream thinking it looks cute until I see the pictures and realize I look more like I am saying "I AM GOING TO EAT YOUR FACE"
Shirt: Miss Chic//Jeans: Gap//Wedges: Target

I then resume to a semi-normal state. But then, well, I get tired. So I take a big yawn and think "get this show on the road!" so my friend listens and eeeeeeeeeeeeeeek that's when I get scared. My neck turns into a dinosaur and POP. The cork comes off. Probably around the same time that I hatch out of my egg.
The end.

And that my friends is my weekend in a nutshell.
Or a 801,000 word novel.

ps. Our friend is now positioned on our kitchen floor saying "I don't think I can move my tongue..."
If you see any photos on Instagram from a funeral over the next couple of days, now you know why.
I hope the pepper was worth it. I also hope he lived by my life mottos. Just sayin.

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23 comments:

  1. Bahaha...from the looks of it you may be busy hiding your friend's body tonight!

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  2. Oh how I love your post...you never ever fail to make me laugh!!

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  3. You be cracking me up girl and would also like to say that I have the song "like a G6" in my head now from looking at that those popping bottles. Too bad I don't actually know all the words but I do know the part about popping bottles and that is the revolving in my mind.

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  4. Festivals happen weekly here. Daily even! Then again so do robberies... Did I mention I got robbed? I'm thinking it's time I join you in Amish land.

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  5. I saw someone eat a ghost on Man vs. Food. Then I saw tears and snot pour down his face and into his mouth. Then I changed the channel back to Honey Boo Boo. Then the mom talked about the rust crust stuck in her neck creases. Honestly, which one was worse? I'm not sure...

    Champagne bottles scare the shit out of me.

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  6. Crack me up! I am scared to death to pop champagne bottles!! Way to capture your friend's misery...those are truly the best moments! lol!

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  7. Would it be creepy to say that I want to move next door to you and be best friends? Okay, I won't say that then. But I DO want to know where your friend got her lacy shirt! I WANT IT!

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  8. HAHAHA what a fun weekend! Now I want champagne! Keep rockin' it gurlie!

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  9. Hahaha!!! You're awesome!
    Love the 801,000 words because just when I think you're finished and I'm all like...ahhh man :(
    There's more!!
    Love it!

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  10. I have a guest post I wrote for next week that talks about using other women's birth stories as the world's most effective birth control. I don't want my boyfriend in the same room as me after hearing their stories. I get sympathetic pain just thinking about it.

    I have sympathy cramps for you right now. I think I'm going to have to medicate them with a glass of wine. Sacrifice is the name of the game here.

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  11. Looks like a great weekend! Loved all the pics!

    P.S Nobody would have noticed the leg dent!


    TTYL


    =)


    Brooke

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  12. Oh my word is he crazy???
    He needs to put a roll of TP (Toiletpaper) in the freezer ASAP!

    Love your outfits!

    http://johced-ourjourneytoeverywhere.blogspot.com/
    xxx

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  13. Omg!! He's crazy!!! I can't even handle fresh jalapeƱos, let alone something like that that's 471947261948371 times hotter!!!!

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  14. Hahah! Thanks for all the morning laughter! You, a cup of coffee and the kids propped in front of the TV is perfection!

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  15. OMG your faces during the poppin corks is hysterical!

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  16. You should come to Cincy...there are about 54 festivals every weekend here. Ranging from (and not limited to) different varieties of sausage and/or goetta (weird sausage), booze, food, wine, booze, Italians, Germans, and about 1,000 other things. Come on down!!

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  17. Gosh, you look like so much fun! We would totally have an awesome time together!

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  18. Hahaha oh my gosh... "So then I start to scrunch my nose and scream thinking it looks cute until I see the pictures and realize I look more like I am saying 'I AM GOING TO EAT YOUR FACE'"

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  19. Hahaha, love this post. The champagne popping pics are hilarious. And I too wish I could live at a festival 24/7. So. Much. Fun. Going to one on Friday and I can't wait!

    xoxo

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  20. Every birth story I read makes me ever more confident in my decision not to breed. Thanks ladies, you are providing excellent (and free!) birth control to all of your childless readers!

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  21. Seriously cannot stop laughing. You crack me up girl. Hopefully your friend is still alive, has found some tums, and has now learned to stay away from ghost peppers. Tell him to down some milk- heard it works. Anyways, like I said, you are hilarious! And I too have one day a month I wish I was either pregnant or going through Menopause... but then do a happy dance because there's no baby growing on the inside. Such is life.

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  22. birth stories, funerals, and ghost peppers in the same post? you have hit the trifecta, lady!! lol

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  23. A dent in your leg and pain from ghost peppers. Freaking hilarious, Erin!

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I read and appreciate every one of your comments. Thanks for stopping by my space and sharing a piece of yourself on this huge ole internet. I meant that in the least creepy way possible. I'm just good at making everything awkward. Anyhow, thank you for your comments. They make me smile :)