6.28.2012

Dear Whoever Reads This,

Dear boy who works at the Chinese restaurant {yeah you—the one who not only grabbed my butt twice while picking up my chicken fried rice, stalked me at my place of employment, and continued to call my cell phone from a blocked number}, I will call the cops on you. Again. Just to scare the living daylights out of you and watch you run like you are trying to qualify for the 2012 Olympics.

Dear hot dog, I ate you. And you were dang good. That’s really all.

Dear Strapless Bras, I hate you. You wouldn’t be so bad if you actually stayed up North. But no, just like all of the old people who live in Indiana, you head South when you want a break from reality. My girls don’t appreciate your “breaks” every 2 seconds. On the bright side your annoying habits make for glamourous portraits of myself...

Dear Sleep Number Stores, you have no idea how badly I want to just come and hang out at one of you sometime. Preferably for a few hours. Minimum. You supply the bed, I’ll supply the body.

Dear Grandpa, my dearest apologies for being dressed in a nikibiki tank, no bra, and the shortest shorts known to mankind the other night when you showed up unexpectedly. While my neighbors are used to me in this attire, you are not. Again. My apologies.

Dear Hallmark, you’ve got nothin’ on me.

Dear Miss Chic, I might be addicted. But I think we already knew that.

Dear Margarita In My Stomach, you were oh so good while you lasted in your bigger than my head glasses.


Dear Taylor & Dana, I can’t believe I am actually going to MEET you IN PERSON in a few short weeks. Expect a minimum of at least 39 questions to come your way. And probably a hug or two. I’m kinda the Queen of that. Unless I take too many shots out of nervousness. In which case expect to find me in the corner of the roof top bar sound asleep.  

Dear Giuliana & Bill’s Baby, I want to buy you a present and deliver it to the restaurant that your parents own. But my husband thinks that would be insanely weird. I don’t get it either.
I think it’s just the beginning stages of his jealousy coming out over the relationship you and I will have. I love you baby Rancic.

Dear Bathroom Mirror, without you I would not be able to take multiple outfit shots in one day to post to Instagram {follow me @livinginyellow. Or else.}
Necklace: Miss Chic//Belt: Target

Dear Mall Floors, I don’t appreciate you causing me to slip three, THREE, times the other night when shopping for Shawn’s gift. The whole throwing my arms up in the air and gasping loudly gets old after awhile.

Dear Channing Tatum, sorry I’m not sorry that I’ll be drooling over your existence Saturday night while watching Magic Mike. I could go on. But I won’t. I love you Shawn.

Dear Blogs, thank God for your existence. I can’t imagine how productive lame my life would be without you.

Dear Readers, leave one of your own "dear ____" in the comments. It'll be fun. Whoever comes up with the best one will get announced on my blog. Yes, I just made this a competition. #itson.

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93 comments:

  1. Dear work, thanks in advance for taking us to one of the most expensive teppenyaki places in Auckland tonight. I promise to eat my fair share at your expense.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear Chris Harrison, it's been in the news lately that you're divorcing your wife of 18 years and instead falling in love with Emily Maynard. Maybe we should nominate you to be the next Bachelor. #pathetic

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dear Justin Bieber, my friend is possessed by the devil and likes to photoshop you and I together, I do not.. I repeat do not want you to ever find me, nor touch me, nor God forbid wink at me in this lifetime, so do not get the wrong idea.. it would destroy me.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dear Erin, Thank you for making my days less lame and well productive too haha. Your blog sucks me in and I can't get out!

    and...

    Dear school, thank you for sucking the life out of my summer. Curse you. That is all <3

    ReplyDelete
  5. dear sister, thank you so much for busting your behind for my upcoming bridal shower this weekend... you have no idea how much it means to me.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dear Army...one day you will stop having this love affair with my husband. you always insist on being first....sigh

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dear 5:22pm MT - Word on the street is that you ate all the hours of my day today. Vomit. Now. I have so much left to do...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Dear Baby-In-My-Belly, your hiccups are literally the sweetest things I've ever experienced. :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Dear Vlog Link Ups,

    Thank you for making me realize the strange things I do when I talk like the following:

    say 'um' every 4 words
    touch my face
    look like I'm speaking sign language because I talk with my hands
    move my mouth in the most random, weird ways

    & well the list is really endless.

    However, I'd like to thank you for spicing up my blog & giving me something to look forward to from time to time.

    <3 Jade

    ReplyDelete
  10. dear bus,
    While I like the "idea" of the fact that I'm saving money and the environment, blah blah, while i'm sitting here the very loud opinionated man talking about how to make fried chicken is really ruining my chill in this seat.
    all my love,
    erika

    p.s. why are you always on time when i'm running late? you know i look so awkward running with my big ol' purse.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Dear Student- Thank you so much for walking in on me this morning when I was picking a wedgie in the classroom. And you saw me. Whoops. I'm pregnant. Forgive me.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dear Athena,
    You are a wonderful pet really. You're a cute cat. However, hiding all day, howling when I pick you up and then acting like you're perfectly happy normal self when we get to the very expensive emergency vet is not cool. While I'm glad your blood work came out fine, I'm not glad about the 70 dollar bill.

    So next time actually be sick, ok?
    Your loving owner Nilda

    ReplyDelete
  13. Dear me,

    Thanks for being awesome. You rock.

    Love, your fabulous self

    ReplyDelete
  14. dear spa- thanks for taking me and my face into your hands and making me feel beautiful today. you microbrased the shit out of those wrinkles and brown spots, i will probably be back soon!

    love always-
    your sun-loving face

    PS-- im scared for you with that Chinese boy, i would def call the cops! lil fucker!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Dear in-laws, I'm so excited you guys drove the four days just to spend some time with us! #absolutelycan'twait #mianextweek

    ReplyDelete
  16. Dear young girls on the froyo place tonight: who tells you that it is cool to wear shorts that are smaller then my underwear and tank tops that resemble the size of handkerchieves? and how do your parents let you out of the house? please put some clothes on.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Dear vacation,
    Wild times are in store for you and
    I in the upcoming days. These wild times must include sunshine and tanning, may include margaritas and dancing, and may not include party poopers or rain. Don't let me down!
    Chelsea

    ReplyDelete
  18. Dear audience of my 3rd grade play, thank you for not being honest with me 20 years ago. Up until last night, (when my husband found the VHS recording of it) I truly believed my dramatic pauses were strikingly emotional, my black bedazzled velvet overalls were the bomb, and my manufactured vibrato was note-worthy. My adult self was shocked and doubled over with laughter last night, as I saw (for the first time) what you saw that night 20 years ago. Again dear audience of my 3rd grade play, I thank you for the modest applause and the refraining of giggles. Yours truly, Mae

    ReplyDelete
  19. Dear Erin, thank you for sharing your dresses from Miss Chic, and in turn addicting me to this site. My bank account however will not thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Dear New Training Friends,

    thanks for the daily dose of shit talking about all the lectures we have to endure everyday for the next 6 weeks, talking about "dropping the kids off at the pool", for making everything into a dirty joke, for LOVING to stop and relax with one....more like 10 beers. without them i'd probably not enjoy my not so classy humble abode and training lectures!!!

    and a BIG thanks to Erin, for helping put a smile on my face everyday! even on those days where I want to rip my hair and eyes out from my looong days of lectures and people acting like they're better!!!

    =) loooove, Kristen

    ReplyDelete
  21. Dear Summer in the Northwest,

    I promise nothing bad will happen to you if you stick around for a solid 24 hours. I promise nothing bad will happen if you poke your head out after 5:00 just once during the weekdays. Pinky promise. I promise something bad will happen to you if you choose to rain on me every day after I get off work. Promise.

    Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Dear Table Bench Leg,

    How dare you break my toes. I was just trying to play with the damn dog when you appeared, out of nowhere, and smashed my poor toes into oblivion.



    Dear Toes,

    How dare you be so weak as to be broken by a stupid chair leg! Remember how I cut my finger off? Don't think I won't do it to you as well if you don't shape up!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Dear Hub where I'll be dining at later,

    Thank you for thirsty Thursdays where I will gobble $5 pizzas, indulge in $11 pints, and possibly $4 shots.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Dear sweaty, hot, south ga summer,
    Thank you for allowing me to sweat in places I didn't know possible, for making it look like I pee'd my pants at a Braves game, and for giving me that all over shine we Southern girls like to call glimmer.
    Much obliged,
    One Hot as Hell South Ga Lady

    ReplyDelete
  25. Dear Erin, Taylor & Dana,
    why the hell wasn't I invited?

    ReplyDelete
  26. Dear Nerd, yeah I'm talking to you, you sweet little nugget of sugary goodness you. My mouth certainly does like devouring you and all of your colorful cousins but my belly button does not. I'm confused as to why you decided to skip on down there in the first place...maybe you were trying to save yourself from being chomped and chewed? But alas, I ate you anyway. Fuzz lint attached and all. Bet you didn't think I was that gross huh.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Dear Hubs, Thank you for planting the sunflowers in our backyard so that every morning when I wake up I can see them out my window!

    Dear Erin, You're AMAZEBALLS!!!

    Peace, Love and Unicorns- Annabelle

    ReplyDelete
  28. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Dear current Midwestern folks: Since we now give a whole new meaning to the term "smokin' hot" ...please do not forget your deodorant.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Dear Living in Yellow, thanks for making me laugh on the daily.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Dear Hulu, Thank you for making it easy to hit the "go back to the beginning" button by the pause button so I can miss the last 5 minutes of the movie I was watching and will not spend another 1:10 minutes watching it again.

    ReplyDelete
  32. dear pool water, please immediately evacuate. sincerely, brie's left ear

    dear erin and taylor, i am so jealous you two are getting together in real life for real drinks. you ladies are my faves. love, brie

    ReplyDelete
  33. Dear Wipeout, Thank you for making it perfectly acceptable for me to laugh at other people's expense.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Haha, these are so great. I love the one about baby Ranci, because let's face it, this is so exciting.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Dear American's,
    Send beer and cheese.
    1 Singapore Ln
    Singapore, 999876

    ReplyDelete
  36. Dear Erin,

    Thanks for answering my question about your bra. Whether or not you even realized you were answering my question, I don't know but I am glad I'm not the only one hiking up my bra every time I go strapless.

    xo, Heather

    ReplyDelete
  37. Dear Hair:

    Listen, I know it's hot. That doesn't mean you get to be frizzy on the bottom and flat on top. Believe it or not, that's not a good look.

    Love,
    The Person Who Must Wear Hats Now

    ReplyDelete
  38. Dear Husband, You ROCK for giving me your iphone and taking my yucky droid. Now, go do the dishes.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Dear Erin,
    Thanks for helping me procrastinate even more when I have a 15 page paper due Sunday I haven't even started yet. oops. #lovethebloggingworldtoomuch

    ReplyDelete
  40. Dear office copy machine, why you always gotta try to be Bob Marley and keep jamming on me all day long? You singlehandedly make my work life horrible.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Dear Swamp People,

    Why do we need subtitles to understand you? Don't you speak English too?

    ReplyDelete
  42. Dear thirsty Thursday,
    I haven't seen you in about a week or two and the 40 bucks in my pocket is telling me you and I are gonna have a real fine time. My alarm that will sound at 7 am has other ideas though...
    sincerely Ashley

    ReplyDelete
  43. dear apartment management,

    when my husband and I signed up to live here and have our back door open up on to the pool (literally 8 feet away from our door), I never imagined THE POOL WOULD OVERFLOW. now I'm a little afraid to open my back door and have a flood of water come in to my apartment. please fix this problem stat.

    I never planned on actually swimming in pool water in my own apartment

    sincerely,
    a fish who would like to stay out of water

    ReplyDelete
  44. Dear Vagina Arms,

    I hate that you showed up yesterday while I was vlogging. I hate you so much that I posted a solution to getting rid of you on my blog. You and your vagina arm buddies have been warned.

    ♥ Duckie.

    And my post: http://frikkenduckie.blogspot.com/2012/06/fitness-friday-vagina-arms.html

    ReplyDelete
  45. Dear eurocup, Please stop being the most stressful thing ever. I can't take it anymore!!!

    ReplyDelete
  46. Dear Texas Summer,

    This is not a competition with Arizona, so please stop showing off. No one is applauding your drought or heat wave making abilities. So stop it. Or I'll threaten to move!

    Unkind regards,
    Sweaty in Austin

    The Mrs. and The Momma

    ReplyDelete
  47. Dear bladder... honestly? You choose the most inconvenient times. Stop.

    ReplyDelete
  48. HAHA. My grandpa always seems to catch me at the worst times too... and I HATE strapless bras. If you find a good one, holla at this well-endowed girl!

    ReplyDelete
  49. Dear Erin,
    Thanks for being my daily laugh.

    And dear, dear library,
    what would I do without you? Your books are lovely, but the homeless people are not. And the old people who work there aren't really nice unless you've been going there for 3+ yrs. Which I have, and some of them still aren't. Oh, and if you could please stop the pot outbreaks, that would be nice. And don't forget to start carrying more murder mysteries. SO I can SURVIVE.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Dear Channing Tatum,
    Thank you for the many hours that you put in at the gym. You're gonna rock the big screen tomorrow.
    Sincerely,
    Girls seeing Magic Mke

    ReplyDelete
  51. I love your posts. They are always a breath of fresh air and funny!

    I totally agree about the strapless bras! So annoying!

    ReplyDelete
  52. Dear dumbass: thank you for being such a dumbass. Hopefully come November, dumbasses won't vote for your dumbass.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Your blog just cracks me up!
    And umm, holy crap creepy stalker man. Wow.

    Dear ice cream bar,
    Thanks for opening upside down and allowing me to steal a bite of my hub's ice cream bar that was in my other hand in order to keep you from making a mess.
    Sincerely, the happy lady with the extra bite of ice cream.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Dear Urge to Have Another Sproutlet,

    Check yo self before you wreck yo self.

    Much Love,
    A Stinky Raccoon Eyed Momma
    #truth

    ReplyDelete
  55. Dear Chicago, I'm glad we get to see each other this weekend! However my alcohol tolerance is low so don't pick on me, please? I have to try to keep up with my
    Sister and her friends at her bachelorette party.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Dear Erin,

    Thanks for putting a smile on my face when I read your blog!

    Dear baby,

    PULEASE hurry up and come, I am really tired of walking around like a stuffed penguin.

    Dear Lingerie Ad at the bottom of this page,

    I know you are there to bring in possible revenue for my friend Erin, but right now your nice little body is making me feel really huge. Thanks for the motivation to go work out.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Dear Jager,
    Thanks for making me awesome. My husband and my sex life sincerely thank you.

    Dear Christian Grey,
    Thanks for the great ideas. Combined with the jager, you make for great saturday nights with the husband.

    Dear neighbors,
    I swear I wasn't dying.


    Yours truly,
    #funtimes

    ReplyDelete
  58. HAHAHA @ "You supply the bed, I’ll supply the body." you know- i think that there are jobs that allow people to test out beds! you should sign up :)

    dear pinterest: where were you 2 years ago when i decorated my entire house un-budget friendly??

    ReplyDelete
  59. dear "jake and the neverland pirates cartoon",

    thank you for teaching my two-year-old the word "never". it's now her go-to response to everything.

    me: "ava, please go put your shoes on."

    ava: "NEVERRRRRR!!" *insane giggling fit*

    ReplyDelete
  60. Dear teenage hormonal boys on the boardwalk,
    I do not understand why there are 50 of you gathered together in one large group wearing socks that go up to your knee caps with an array if odd shoes to accompany them. Even more, I do not appreciate your attempts at hitting on me by calling out hey look at "the boardwalk cutie in green pants". My pants are "mint" not green. While I may look like I'm 14 (thanks genetics) I do not want to "give you a holler" and would spray you with my pepper spray if you came any closer (just saying).

    ReplyDelete
  61. dear bananas, stop laying in my path and trying to slip me up. four of you in four different places in one week. too bad i'm so observent that i haven't fallen for you.

    ReplyDelete
  62. Dear dude in Ed Hardy and socks with Adidas sandals,
    You have no right judging my blue hair when you're in that outfit.
    Thank you, more awesome than you'll ever be

    I love your giant margarita glasses.

    ReplyDelete
  63. Dear Women of Summer,
    Thank you for dressing yourself in cheek-bearing shorts and spillage-promoting//stomach-bearing tops {or what appear to be cut up washcloths} and reminding me of why I was so deathly afraid of having a girl. Thank you God for honoring this fear and granting me a boy. Please son do not ever bring one of these confused women home who apparently have a deathly fear of too much fabric. So help me...

    ReplyDelete
  64. That birthday card is awesome! I absolutely LOVE that pink necklace you have on in the bathroom pics too. I might have to buy it!

    ReplyDelete
  65. Dear lawn guy that my neighbor hired,

    I do not appreciate you starting your leaf blower very near to my car this morning while I was applying my jungle red lipstick. I smeared it all over my face area and it's kind of the permanent kind. Now it looks like I have an odd placement of rouge goin' on...new trend?

    XOXO
    Rai

    ReplyDelete
  66. Dear Dana,
    You're ruining my life.
    I was supposed to be coming to ya'lls meet-up BUT Dana said that she has to have a bigger house before I can come visit. She's such a fun ruiner that one.
    Dear Erin,
    Make sure Dana plan's an awesome surprise blogger party for me when I do come to Chicago.
    Thanks ;)

    ReplyDelete
  67. Dear Erin,
    I cannot wait for hugs, getting drunk at 11 am on a Sunday and passing out in the corner of a bar with you. So...much...fun. Eek.

    Dear Sami,
    Thank you for telling us about this Chicago/Chicago-ish blogger meetup. I wish you could be here. I am sorry I've ruined your life. You can come stay in my son's nursery, but that means you're on diaper duty for the night then. Cool?

    Happy Friday!!!

    ReplyDelete
  68. Dear Yard,
    Please stop dying, and consequently making me live in total and utter fear of our next water bill. Please and Thank you!

    Katie

    ReplyDelete
  69. Dear Channing Tatum,
    I am so looking forward to our date on Saturday night. I have been waiting for this for a long time. Please don't mind those other millions of girls who are drooling over you as well. I know that you know that it is just you and I. (Please don't tell me husband though, I like to keep him around in case this thing between you and I doesn't work out).
    Love,
    Brandi

    ReplyDelete
  70. Dear Mio...thank you for making water so yummy and delicious!

    Dear Magic Mike...me and my girlfriends are so looking forward to seeing you Saturday night.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Dear firecrackers,

    Are you really firecrackers or are you gunshots? You shouldn't play mean tricks on us like this in a city like Baltimore. Oh wait, you means we're not living in an episode of The Wire? Ok. I'll stop ducking behind parked cars when I hear you.

    ReplyDelete
  72. Dear Erin/Living in Yellow Lady/Awesome Bloggista (is that a word? o well) who is just.. well awesome,

    Thanks for always making the simplest things in life hilarious! Your blog is very inviting (i personally love to have some coffee and be comfy when I read LIY) and inspires me to start a blog. It shows me that I do not have to be a movie star life or a Kardashian life in order to have a great blog! So Thank You Erin for being a person who inspires and causes belly laughs from writing hilarious things from your daily life !

    Yeap this whole "Dear____" was just a shout out to show how awesome you and your masterpiece of a blog is!! Feel free to gloat and brag to others about how you are the queen of blogging !

    ReplyDelete
  73. Dear Stuffy Nose, please leave me the heck alone. I don't appreciate sounding like an snot-nosed elephant (huh?) each time I have to answer the phone at work. No one can understand me. Also, it's my 1 year anniversary this weekend and I would like my husband to recognize his wife's voice. Thank you and hope to not see you again. Ever.


    Happy Weekend :)

    ReplyDelete
  74. Dear Erin- I think we were meant to be bffs. That is all.

    ReplyDelete
  75. Dear Victoria Secret Bombshell Bra - You would be a lot cooler, and a lot more tricky if you didn't make noise every time I moved. I don't know how the sound of plastic rubbing together happens, but it does and it gives our lil "adds two cups" secret away. Figure your sh!t out, you only have ONE job.

    ReplyDelete
  76. Dear women who complained about my clerking, saying I was abrupt when welcoming you at my weight watchers meeting and got me and my mum fired.
    I don't hate you, I pity you. I've never been abrupt to you or anyone else at that meeting. You saying these things has meant I can never go to a weight watchers meeting again. That's fine. I'm going to do this on my own. I know I'm a good, kind person and you can't touch that!

    Phew! That was therapeutic.

    ReplyDelete
  77. Dear other commenters. Back the heezy off. This is the clearly the best comment as I am clearly the best commenter. I live in yellow all day, er'yday and you can just sit on it.

    P.S. I am really a nice person in real life.

    Thanks for your time!

    Love, Melissa

    ReplyDelete
  78. Dear Erin, how awkward are we all going to be seeing each other in person? Lol I can only imagine what that Sunday will be like... At least we know it's going to make for a great post on Monday.

    ReplyDelete
  79. PS- I'm sorry I made fun of Magic Mike the day you said you can't wait to see it. Diversity is what makes the world goes round.

    ReplyDelete
  80. Dear Keebler Grasshopper Fudge Mint Cookies: It's a good thing you have a cute elf as your mascot, or I would have bagged our love/hate relationship months ago.

    ReplyDelete
  81. Dear God,
    Why did you not include unicorns on the ark?
    -Kylee

    ReplyDelete
  82. Dear passport agency,

    I'm sorry for my dripping palms, red face, and pit stains this morning when you scolded me for my ultimate procrastination to renew my passport no less than a week before I'm leaving the country. At least i didn't say bomb.

    Chrissy

    ReplyDelete
  83. Dear work, thanks for literally giving me the 4th of July off... I love a random Wednesday off with having to go back the other 4 days lol
    Love,
    Meesh :)

    ReplyDelete
  84. Dear Mom's everywhere:
    when you hear "my science project is drying in the bathroom, don't go in there." from your 5 year old whom you have not done a science project with, be afraid.....be very afraid.

    ReplyDelete
  85. Dear hubby,

    See! I'm not crazy! I'm not the only one who wanted to send a gift to RPM for G & B's baby boy!! You just don't understand!

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  86. Dear Erin,

    You are a mastermind. You convinced all of these beautiful ladies to write letters to you. They would be excellent at Simon Says and Mother May I!

    ReplyDelete
  87. Dear Puppies,

    I know you need to go outside as you are patiently waiting by the door, but I'm blogging and you will just have to wait a minute or five longer! :)

    ReplyDelete
  88. dear erin,

    why are you so flippin' amazing and funny and amazing and pretty and amazing? i would really like to know.

    ReplyDelete
  89. Dear Wedding,

    Will you hurry up and get here!? I can't really wait 33 more days I am far too excited and impatient.

    Dear House,
    If you could just finish all the projects we started yourself before it's time to move in, I would greatly appreciate it!

    Dear Fiance,
    Thank you for your unconditional love. I can't wait to be your wife!

    Sincerely,
    Ashley

    ReplyDelete
  90. Dear body, please learn to like alcohol as much as my taste-buds do! You consumed some (okay, a bit more than that) on Friday night. It's now Sunday, and you're still bitching at me about it? Harden. Up.

    ReplyDelete
  91. Dear afternoon sun,
    It's incredible how in just a few short blissfully-napping hours, you managed to magically transform me from a human being to a hunk of Kentucky fried chicken. I know I said I wanted a "sun-kissed glow" for my wedding, but you guessed it, what I really wanted was to look like Elmo, bubble like magma, and smell like a campfire. Ya know... you really get me.
    sincerely,
    skin-cancer-here-I-come

    ReplyDelete
  92. Dear Summer Break, I curse you for being so short.

    ReplyDelete

I read and appreciate every one of your comments. Thanks for stopping by my space and sharing a piece of yourself on this huge ole internet. I meant that in the least creepy way possible. I'm just good at making everything awkward. Anyhow, thank you for your comments. They make me smile :)