"He drunk up my orange juice..."

You guys--I can't make this stuff up.
After reading this in our local news, I knew I had to share it.
Or maybe it was after I read it at work-laughed out loud-read it again-laughed even louder-
emailed it to my friends saying "This just made my week"-telling my friends about it at dinner-
annnnnd the fact that I have been rehearsing lines from the article for the past 48 hours.
Yes, that is what made me want to share this.
Anyhow, please read this article.
If anything, it will make you feel a lot better about your hometown than mine.
"Burglar vacuumed home, folded laundry and cooked dinner"
A South Bend mother returned home Monday night with her son and discovered Keith Davis, 46,
had broken in and cleaned her apartment in the 4600-block of Lance Court.

"I seen my living room light on and the bedroom light on,
so once we came up the stairs I figured my brother was home.
I turned the knob and it was locked, so I seen my screen open and I pushed my window open and it was some random guy in my kitchen," said tenant Ashley Murray.

Murray then walked away from the window with her son and called police before yelling at Davis to leave her home.

"I'm like 'the police are on their way' and he told me 'the police already been here', closed my window, locked it back up and closed my door and sat in a chair in front of the window until the police came.
Once I finally got a chance to get in I then notice he cooked some chicken and onions in a pan, folded my clothes up and swept my floor," said Murray.

The police said it looked like he was a good chef.
"It looked like he had broth and everything in it"

Davis told police he had woken up in the apartment and a woman told him to get a set of keys from a closet. Murray said Davis had a set of her keys in his pocket when he was arrested and suspects Davis had been watching her and saw when she placed a set of keys in a storage unit for her brother to use when he arrived later that night from Indianapolis.

When officers asked Davis where he lived he gave officers an address on Lance Court that didn't exist.
Davis was arrested despite adamantly stating he was in his own home and charged with breaking and entering, a Class D felony.

"Me and the police think he was on some type of drug. He really seemed to think this was his home,"
said Murray.
"How could you not look at the pictures and none of that and realize you don't know nobody? I don't think no drug can do that once you come in and see there's nothing in here that you know. The apartments are alike, but you knew this wasn't your house."

Murray said her son later recognized Davis as a neighbor from across the complex who he had seen staring at him and his friends as they played outside.
Despite breaking into the apartment, Davis didn't steal anything beyond the food.

"He drunk up my orange juice, but it's cool because he swept up my floor and folded my clothes," said Murray.

Prosecutors requested a $5,000 bond because Murray was concerned he may return, however the judge lowered it to $1,000.
I don't know what's funnier.
The fact that all of the above actually happened.
Or that the news reporter quoted these people WORD FOR WORD.


Now if only I could find somebody to come drunk up my orange juice and fold my laundry...

Happy Sunday.



  1. Oh my goodness, hysterical. Must not be a lot to report on this fine Sunday. Given all the sad stories we hear these days sometimes we need this kind of comic relief!!

  2. Hahahahahahaha oh my goodness....THIS is good entertainment ;)

  3. shut the front door! hahaha this is Hi-larious!

    just found your blog via Katie - great post lady!

    Happy Sunday! :)

  4. Bahaha! Best thing to read on a Sunday morning over a cup of tea-- LOVED this! Seriously... I would love for someone to break into my house and fold my laundry and sweep my floors. I better start keeping orange juice in my fridge...

  5. Oh Em Geeee! Hahahahaha This is absolutely hilarious! Best news read of the morning! Thanks for sharing dear!

  6. Haha, WOW. That's a doozy. This reminds me of how our local new station goes to random gas stations and asks customers how they feel about the raising gas prices. They always seem to pick the *gems* to interview. Thanks for the laugh this fine Sunday morning :)

  7. Oh I needed that. Its been a doozy of a morning so far at work. I wish a playa would come in my house and drunk up my orange juice.....thats a fight right there lol. Happy Sunday!

  8. It's a ridiculous quote, but... how else should the reporter have quoted her? She SAID it! That's a reporter's job, weird or not.

  9. HAHA! WOW! Thanks for making my morning! This is hilarious!

    I don't even know what to say!

  10. Hahaha! The whole time I was reading that I was wondering about that... the whole quoting word for word thing. Too funny!!

  11. hahaha!! Hilarious! Reality is stranger than fiction!

  12. I definitely saw this news story the other day at work and laughed. A lot.

  13. I can't believe it!I can't even believe that a robber would do something like this. Was this a random act of kindness on behalf of the robber!! Too funny!

  14. SOOOO FUNNY. hahahahhah seriously, I'm dying.

    xoxo -kylie

  15. HAHAHAHAHA "It looked like he had broth and everything in it." Really important detail, thank you journalist.

  16. HaHaHa this is hilarious! I have to agree with you...the word for word quoting is too awesome not to note! Thanks for sharing!

    much love,

    P.S. I'd love for you to enter my jackpot giveaway...it ends tonight! There's J.Crew, Kate Spade, Anthropologie, & much more! http://simplybold.blogspot.com/2012/01/jackpot-giveaway.html

  17. Hahaha I'm dying over here. This made my day. Now I want to go drunk up some OJ. Simply Orange to be exact :)

  18. Oh wow! This is hilarious but still totally creepy!

  19. HAHAHAHA WOW! some strange people out there, but I guess it's better than him breaking in & trying to kill them when they arrived home!

  20. That is so crazy! I would be kind of freaked out if some strange guy was in my apartment, even if he had done the chores...and it's even crazier that they put it like that in the paper! I loved how the reporter quoted them "word for word"...:)

  21. Not going to lie.. I would love for someone to break in and clean my house.... HaHa how funny is this!!!

  22. Whoever wrote this story is like my favorite new person. Ridiculous!

  23. hahahaha oh my gawd!!! WEIRD!!!

  24. im not going to lie, if he broke in to my house, i think i'd let him stay a while... he could have all my OJ if he would just vaccum and do the dishes.

  25. Haha great article! I almost wish that someone would break into my house and do the cooking and cleaning... wouldn't that be wonderful??

    Totally loving your posts btw! You seem like such a happy and lively girl, you always pick me up a little :)

    Megan @ Storybook Love Affair

  26. I'd give him a month's supply of orange juice to clean my house. just sayin'! lol

  27. wow. this stuff happens? crazy.

  28. That OJ was a small price to pay! He would deserve at least a doughnut, too, if he swept my floors. God bless the guy!

  29. I love when news articles write the exact quotes, no matter how awful they are. I'm trying to think if I'd be more creeped out about someone breaking into my house (and having a set of my keys), or really excited that someone cleaned my house for free. Close call.

  30. omg I loved this post!! you are hilarious & I can't believe that news story is actually true haha

  31. Hilarious! Oh my gosh now if I had to have my house broken into I guess that would be the guy I would want, I mean my floors def need to be swept and I am always down for someone to cook for me! I am with you the exact quotes make the story!

  32. Oh goodness... This story has me laughing out loud.. So funny!


I read and appreciate every one of your comments. Thanks for stopping by my space and sharing a piece of yourself on this huge ole internet. I meant that in the least creepy way possible. I'm just good at making everything awkward. Anyhow, thank you for your comments. They make me smile :)