Three Reasons Why I Don't Have Children

Whats up little bits.
I was going to write some awesome post for today.
And then I remembered I already did so over here.
Yes, this means you have to go over there to read it.
And then that means you must stay awhile on her blog because it's one of my favs.
You will get to learn about how I would convince Bill Gates that my blog is worthy of  receiving "mega cash” and other equally important items.

Speaking of important—I babysat the other night and learned a few lessons.

1.    It is not wise to give a one year old a plate full of rice and no serving utensils.
Without a bib on.
That stuff sticks to places you didn’t even know existed.

2.    If you find the three year old in the bathroom with her arm in the toilet,
don’t freak out.
That’s what hand soap was created for.

3.    Just so happens that diapers made for one year olds are not intended for three year olds.
When the three year old starts complaining that the diaper is hurting them and you see massive red marks on their sides, take it off.
And then let the 3 yr old run around completely naked with just a tutu covering their privates.
 It will make for a happier child.

….And this my friends is why I don’t have children.

They’d be rice infested/toilet drinking/naked maniacs.

I’m doomed.
At least I have the whole "human jungle gym" thing down.
That's gotta be good for somethin'.



  1. Psh. What are you taking about? Those are the best kind of kids. Right?

    ... maybe that's why I don't have kids, either.

  2. Very cute post... I would say that the fact that you can laugh about it all, says that you would be a great mom!!

  3. Hahaha
    I'm terrified of having kids and this just doubled my terror!

    :) xo

  4. Um, that IS what my kids are like. But they're amazing anyway. And eventually you just buy a toilet lock, put down tile for the diaper-free days and remember that kids are waterproof and enjoy frequent bathing :) Great post!

  5. haha, well they had SO much fun with you the other night! Hailey asks when Erin's gonna have dinner just about every day :) THANK YOU for letting me give you birth control for the month.

  6. Haha Cute picture :) i think you'd be great when you get there!

  7. too funny. i am a mommy and this kind of stuff still happens to me!!

  8. Lol that is way too awesome. I'd probably feed them too much candy and end up with them being up all night.

  9. hilarious. totally made me smile this morning, and I do not smile in the mornings. So not a morning person!
    oh by the by - us mothers really don't know what we're doing half of the time, so I'd say you'd be okay. :)

  10. haha I LOL reading this post! You will be a (one day) fun mom! :)

  11. hahah love it! I have two nieces and when I watch them I start to worry when it gets quiet and I dont see them both.

    Atleast you probably slept well after they left! haha Kids wear me out!!

  12. hahah...you'd figure it out! It's fun (most of the time) but those little humans can be pretty disgusting too. : )

  13. I found my son playing with his cars in the toilet water the other night. Not what I thought he was doing when he said he was dropping the kids off at the pool... big mommy fail!

  14. I love, love, LOVE your blog! I'm not even sure how I stumbled upon it, but I'm so glad I did! I can be having THE MOST craptastic day at work, but as soon as I read your latest post, I can get out of fetal position, resist the urge to smack the crap out of my co-workers and get my work done :)

    You have a fantastic sense of humor and a great outlook on life. Heck, you can even talk about poop, which in and of itself is pretty awesome!!! Keep up the great work!!

  15. That is a funny story - maybe not for you, but to read it...those kids are adorable!! :)

  16. That made me smile.

    I've been meaning to comment for a while. I'm one of those lurkers but I wanted to drop a note to say that I love your blog. You make me laugh. Also most of the people you link to make me laugh and I follow them also. So thank you for being funny and for highlighting other funny people.

    Funny and interesting, cause a blog can't just be funny....there has to be a person there too.

  17. Apparently whatever your doing is working!! It's obvious they adore you!
    Btw...new blog address..

    Have a great Friday!!!
    Oh yeah...we're totally going to that Italian pizzeria tomorrow night!

  18. sounds like you had a great time babysitting!
    those reasons may also be the same reasons I dont want children as well! haha.
    By the picture though, it looks like they adore you!

  19. you'd be surprised at just how vital that whole human jungle gym thing is. WAY more important than hygiene and diapers :)


I read and appreciate every one of your comments. Thanks for stopping by my space and sharing a piece of yourself on this huge ole internet. I meant that in the least creepy way possible. I'm just good at making everything awkward. Anyhow, thank you for your comments. They make me smile :)