1.30.2012

Baby Talk {Why Adoption?}

**Before you begin reading**
Be aware that this post is full of a lot of text and very few pictures.
 I didn’t find it necessary to add pictures of women giving birth just to make this post aesthetically pleasing to the eye.
Moving on now.

So you may recall here when I gave our “baby plan”
I said two things.
Two years.
And adoption.

The funny thing is—sometimes I write things and tend to forget that people are actually reading this blog.
The thing that I forget even more is that if they read something I write, they may question why I wrote it.
Weird how things happen isn’t it?
Anyhow.

I’ve started getting a few questions from people I’ve met through blogging, and then people I actually know.
You know, like my parents, siblings, and in-laws.
And to be honest with you—I’ve been struggling when the question is asked
“Why do you want to adopt?”
In fact, I almost cringe inside and wish they didn’t ask.
And then I want to blurt out “Oh, I don’t know—why did you decide to get pregnant naturally?”
But then I realize that is dumb and they are just asking a normal question.
Let me explain.

All too often I think when we as people make “big” decisions, we think we need to have some big
“earthly reason” why we are choosing what we are.
It’s like we believe basing our decision off our feelings alone isn’t good enough.
We need to have a “reason”.
Say for instance—in the case of adoption.

Adoption in a lot of people’s minds are for people who either:
1.    Can’t have children on their own
2.    Already have children of their own.

Shawn and I fall under neither of these categories.
Do I know if we can’t have children?
No.
We’ve never “tried” to have children.
I may be Fertile Myrtle.
Or I may be Sterile Merile.
Only the Lord knows that one.

So why are we choosing to adopt?

-Because as long as I can remember it has been a desire of my heart to adopt a child who needs a family to love them more than they can ever imagine.

-Because when my husband said the words to me “I am totally fine with adopting.." followed right up with
"Think of all the children who don't have any, or don't have good quality homes to grow up in?
At least we could offer them more than what they would have otherwise.”
I was engulfed with an overwhelming sense of peace.

-Because when I talk to you {or write these words} my eyes swell up with tears thinking about our unborn child who may not have loving parents if we don’t bring him/her into our lives.

-Because I know without a shadow of a doubt that my husband and I have the ability to love the heck out of a child whether it’s “ours” or somebody else’s. 

-And because it just feels right.

And sometimes, all of those reasons are hard for me to say in person.
So instead, I respond with “It is just something we want to do”
Which is true.
But it is because of the reasons I spelled out above that makes it “something we just want to do”.

With all this being said—
Have we started the adoption process?
No.
Do we know when we will start the process?
No.
Do I realize that there is a high probability that it will be a long, emotionally draining, experience that can
{and will most likely be} filled with highs and lows?
Yes.
But do I realize that God has already hand selected our child and that no matter what happens,
He is in control.
Absolutely.

Does this mean that Shawn and I will ever conceive our own child?
Again, only the Lord knows.
Time will tell.
Although—I wouldn’t mind creating a little one.
After all, we were pretty cute as little bits.
I mean how precious was he?
Okay, so maybe just one of us was cute.

PS. I know this will bring up another question
 “Are you adopting internationally or local?”
Local.
Of course, any form of adoption is great, but this is the choice that we feel best for us.
Oh, and as far as the sex of the baby goes…
We each have differing opinions on which gender we would like.
Pink hair bows and tutus belong in my house.
That’s all I’m sayin’.

PPS. If you have gone through this process and have any advice/tips etc please do tell.
I would love to hear from you.
Email me at livinginyellow@gmail.com if your little heart desires.

Thank you for taking a solid amount of time out of your day to read all of this.
I don’t think you truly know the special place each one of you readers holds in my heart.
Love you all.

…Speaking of loving you all—
come back tomorrow to celebrate this blog’s one year anniversary.
I may or may not be giving away 14 of my Favorite Things.
It’s gonna be huge.
We’re talkin’ gigantic.
And awesome.
Be prepared.

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61 comments:

  1. In todays world it is so very important for as many children as possible to have the opportunity to grow up in a loving and caring environment. That is amazing of you and your husband to make the decisions that fits your relationship! :)

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  2. Straight from the heart...and that my friend is why I love you so. xoxo

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  3. Ah, you two are the sweetest.
    Love me some babies! :)

    xoxo - kylie
    www.livinglovingandphotographing.com

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  4. Your father and I support whatever you and Shawn decide to do and I am sure that we will love an adopted grandchild just as much as a biological grandchild! At least I won't have to worry throughout your pregnancy with this choice. Go for it! We're excited about it and love you guys!

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  5. i love your openness and honesty. you have such a classy and clear way of getting your thoughts out there. i know as readers we only see what you want us to see, but i think you'd make an amazing mom (and friend. can we be blog friends? :) ).

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  6. The lady that designed my blog adopted two children, a little boy and a little girl. You can read about it here :-)

    http://asimplyklassichome.blogspot.com/p/my-adoption-story_18.html

    xo,
    Amira

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  7. I've always thought that someday I would love to adopt...there are so many kids that need a loving and nurturing home. Thanks for sharing your heart, Erin - it's encouraging <3 Love your blog!

    ~Rachel <3
    www.ramblingsbyrachel.blogspot.com

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  8. One: my husband's name is Shawn too. Spelled the same way!

    Two: I have brought up adoption with my Shawn recently. I was so inspired by Katie's story and I have always thought about adopting. There are so many deserving children that just need a loving home and I know we can provide that!

    Three: Happy blogiversary! I will be back tomorrow. #Fact. It is on my 30 before 30 host a "favorite things" party. Maybe we could make that happen? Love this idea for a blog giveaway!

    Four: You are an amazing blogger and I heart you tons! xoxo

    The end :)

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  9. Coming from someone who is adopted, I love this post! I love your honesty and your desire to adopt! One day there will be a child who be incredibly lucky to grow up in your loving home!

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  10. I love this. My husband Kevin and I would like to have at least one of our own children but I've been hell bent on adopting a child for a looong time. I figure why keep having our own kids when there are so many out there that need our love and a family! Why not give them that chance! I will definitely being looking for us updates & advice for when we start!

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  11. I LOVE adoption. I think it is one of the most amazing things people can do. I would adopt in a second if I thought I would handle one more kid. My dad was adopted and people always ask him if he ever met his "real" parents and my dad ALWAYS responded yes, I see them every day. Because to him, his REAL parents are the ones who adopted and RAISED HIM his whole life. I am not putting down women who give their child for adoption, I think doing so is a heroic thing to do, esp if they know they can't provide a good life for that child, and ESP since they didn't have their child sucked down a drain. My dad has just always been on the mindset that he ALREADY KNOWS his REAL parents so he never really understood that question.

    anyway, that was kinda long just wanted to let you know that I totally agree with you :)

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  12. You have a big heart girl and that's what I love about you :) I think it is soooo great that you guys are wanting to adopt.

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  13. Wow you are one awesome girl, or wait pair. An inspiration to many!!

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  14. I was adopted and I think your reasons are amazing and selfless! Go you!

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  15. I love your honesty. I think your reasons of wanting to adopt are amazing. Any child would be lucky to end up with you two as their parents!

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  16. I would love to adopt. My Husband and I have struggled with infertility, and to me I don't even care, as long as we can have a child to love. Either way, at the end of the day they are "your child."

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  17. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on adoption! I am inspired by your desire to adopt and hope to follow your journey on this blog ... when the time is right, of course! :)

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  18. I think it is absolutely amazing y'all are choosing to adopt. There are so many babies who do not get the love and care I need. I have a great respect for anyone who adopts...as well as the birth parents who know that they can not provide for their baby and chose to give them up for adoption.

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  19. I love the honesty that's in this post! My husband and I are in the process of adopting from Ethiopia right now and let me tell you, though this process is worth EVERY ounce of emotional stress and rude comments/questions from people, they get even worse once you start the process. It's like you put yourself on a pedestal without even knowing it. And everyone thinks they can just bash your decision without even thinking about how it makes you feel.

    All that to say, that I love this post! I love that you guys want to do a domestic adoption! I love that you know this is what God wants you to do!

    If you have any questions (though I don't know a whole lot about domestic adoption), feel free to email me or check out my bloggy blog!

    Lindsey
    lindseycrock@gmail.com
    almcrock.blogspot.com

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  20. Dude. I just love you. End of story. I have ALWAYS wanted to do this as well....only time will tell :)

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  21. Erin,

    You and your hubby are very brave, kind, worth honorable mention for doing this with no motive behind wanting to adopt other than you feel its right. You are right, God is the only one in control.

    I have a feeling it will all work out for you when it is the right time.

    I wish you the best through the journey.

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  22. Get it girl!!!!! My childhood bestie was adopted and made me want to adopt. It was always in my plan. When we found out I couldn't conceive without medical help, we passed and chose to adopt. It was the most heart wrenching and exhausting thing we've ever done but also the most rewarding. And then, at 3 years old my son told me he was praying that God would have me "grow a baby".... His faith was amazing as he claimed God would do that for him. Lo and behold, God did have us "grow a baby." Adoption is still very much of our future plans.
    So, get it girl!!!! You and Shawn have babies any way you want! Adoption doesn't have to be plan B. it can always be part of your plan A. Thanks for knowing that and sharing it with others.

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  23. Oh my gosh I had no idea y'all wanted to adopt! So cool!! And good for you!! I'm all about doing what YOU want.

    I vote girl!! Bows and tutus fo sho, sista.

    PS-see you in FL on the 9th, yes?!

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  24. You have a GIANT heart, Erin! Your baby will be one lucky little nugget. xo

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  25. Since I'm a foster mom, and have seen lots of kids who needs loving homes, I have the utmost respect for your decision! I can't wait for your to have those hairbows and tutus in your house!

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  26. See, even with a serious post, you make me laugh (the pictures are too cute/funny/awkward :)! On another note, my husband was adopted into a wonderful family...his birth mother knew she couldn't care for him and chose the best option. He has felt nothing but LOVE and GRATITUDE for his adoptive parents his entire life.

    We were blessed with two children, but I have said for years that I would love to adopt at some point in the future. I'm sickened by the number of children born into homes with NO love. I just can't wrap my head around the thought of NOT LOVING A CHILD. It makes me want to scream, actually!

    Anyhoo, best of luck in your adventure. It'll be a great one!!

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  27. Thank you for writing this. My husband and I have made the same decision for the very same reasons you have so eloquently outlined here. We have not started the adoption process and don't know when we will either. I feel the exact same way when people ask me about why we want to adopt since (presumably) we are able to have children biologically. This is a very brave post and I sincerely thank you for writing about something so personal.

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  28. You make me so happy! Like I mentioned the first time you brought it up, I want to adopt too! I have such a desire for it.. I don't think about getting pregnant when I think of my future family, I think of adopting! Of course, only God knows the future as you said and maybe I will do both, but I'm 100% set on adoption. Of course when finding a husband I will have to make sure he is on board too!! It's a requirement :)
    I do think it's crazy that people question it so much, when people don't think twice about questioning people who get pregnant and choose to have a child that way.
    I'm so excited and look forward to your journey whenever it happens!

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  29. I just can't wait until you two are parents. No matter where your child(ren) comes from, they will be SO loved! It will all come in God's time :)

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  30. I agree with you 100% - there are many children out there (locally or internationally) who NEED loving, supportive homes with caring parents. They deserve to know what love is. They deserve to be spoiled & to have happiness in their lives. I'm pro-adopting too!

    & no stretch marks! ;)

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  31. I love this post!! We are actually getting ready to start an adoption process of our own. We have 2 boys already, but feel that there is still something our family is lacking. However, I don't feel the urge or need to be pregnant again. Like you, it's our feelings that propelled the decision, not some earth shattering event. It's just what we feel to be right. :) Oh, and BTW I just nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. Go to my blog to check it out! :)

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  32. No joke, just yesterday I was thinking, “I wonder when she’s going to follow up on that ‘two years. Adoption.’ comment she made in that post a while back?” I have to say adoption is something heavy on my heart, even before my husband and I found out it would be a huge fight to be able to get pregnant. From what you’ve written, I love your heart and your outlook on the whole thing. I pray that when you do start the process, that you guys find nothing but favor waiting for you.

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  33. I love that you and your husband have talked about adoption and really are going to go through with it someday. I have always said I wanted to adopt. My dad is adopted and ever since I knew that information I have wanted to adopt. I would LOVE more than anything to give birth to "my own" children, but would love just as much to adopt.

    Good luck with everything. You would be an amazing momma even if they are rice infested/toilet drinking/naked babies! :)

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  34. Knowing you and hubs you'll be great parents...albeit weird ones haha!

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  35. what a fabulously admirable thing. i love it. i'm sure you're going to be great parents when you decide it's time for you!

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  36. I'm with you -- I definitely believe that adoption is something that is put on your heart. There doesn't need to be a reason. More people need to understand that... and also understand that it can be for anyone who feels called to adopt. Not just for those who can't have their own biological children or those who already have, like you said. There are SO MANY children out there, in our country and other countries, who need a mom and dad who will love and take care of them. I think it takes very special people, who feel that special calling on their hearts, to adopt. This post is a great response... Now when people ask, you can just direct them here!

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  37. Wow. your obedience to what God has laid on your heart is very encouraging to me !!! Your post was amazing and I am looking forward to hearing more about your journey with the adoption.

    And by the way, I am a new follower.

    http://thelifeofjessicamartin.blogspot.com :)

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  38. What a fantastic post. This is a subject that hits close to home because we adopted both of our kids. We were unable to have kids so adoption was our opportunity. When all was said and done God blessed us with two kids that He hand picked for us. Both my wife and I know that this was Gods plan for our lives. It has always felt like these kids were suppose to be a part of our family. If you ever want any info or just to pick my brain over the experience feel free to contact me!

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  39. That's awesome Erin. Had no idea that was on your heart. Very cool!! I wish you the best of luck <3 Heather G.

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  40. Great post, proud of you for speaking your heart and following what you feel is God's plan for you! Not all people are that brave!!

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  41. Erin, I'm new to your blog, following a few links led me here. I really admire you for being so SURE about adoption. I've always known that I wanted to be a mom, and now my husband and I are having infertility issues. I always knew this would be a possibility, and just thought I'd adopt. But now that the situation is actually here, the thought of adoption definitely scares me. It's such a big decision, and I worry that I won't bond in the same way that I would with a birth child. I definitely don't think I'd ever rule it out, and I think it's such an amazing gift to give a child.But personal fears are a scary thing!! I'll definitely be coming back to your blog to follow your journey!

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  42. Dear Erin,
    The same way writing this post brought tears to your eyes, my eyes welled up with relief that you said you intend to adopt locally/domestically. I am a huge advocate of adoption. I was a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) for a foster child, and she got the "happy ending" of being adopted. I tend to think that international adoption is completely glamorized, so it make my heart smile that you've considered American children without a home. UGH! This adoption post made me so happy!

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  43. I love this post. I have so often felt that way about adopting and love to hear it echoed in another.

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  44. My husband and I also want to adopt. And we also don't fall into "can't have children" or "already have a child" categories.

    And we have gotten interesting responses from his mom (blank stare), my mom (not wanting anyone in the family that isn't blood related), my aunt (why would we want a child that isn't even ours) and a previous employer ("my friend adopted a kid and he turned out to have mental issues") just to name a few.

    Too bad people, if we want to adopt, we want to adopt. What is wrong with just wanting to provide a loving, stable home for a child without one?

    Good for you and everyone like you :)

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  45. Such a great post {hi, I am new to your blog as of today :)}. I have always felt in my heart that adoption was the way I was meant to have a child. I don't have a reason why...I have just always wanted to adopt. I loved reading your post and reasoning - so many see adoption as a last resort and I have never felt that way. It is nice to see someone else who feels the same :).

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  46. I followed The DayBook and just came to your blog....I LOVE :)

    Adoption has always, always been on my heart and more so the older I get. I am single, and happy. But know that someday, if God brings me the option to adopt, I will most definitely, whole-heartedly do so. Thanks for your words! Excited to be following you.

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  47. words can't explain how much i love this post.

    (first time reader here... yep, from the daybook, money well-spent! haha)

    from day 1 (ok maybe the first time "future" talk started), my boyfriend always said he wanted to adopt, regardless of fertility. he ideally wants to have both, but only time will tell with that one! his family (vietnamese) went through a lot to provide a better life for him in the US, and he wants to provide another child with an opportunity for a better like, regardless of where he/she is born.

    glad to hear someone else feels the same!!

    looking forward to reading more, learning about you, and getting in some more belly-laughs for the day :D

    toodles.
    jenn

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  48. Fantastic post! I just saw this post from today's post, (I'm a recent follower) and I want to give you a giant e-hug. I don't particularly want kids, but I am adamant that, should my husband and I change our minds (as many, many people have so kindly informed us we will) we will adopt. The way I see it, we already have three adopted kids- they just happen to be four-legged and furry. We both love them unconditionally, so how could we not love a small human that way despite not having our DNA? Plus, neither of us is particularly hung up on the whole DNA thing. I have an adopted sister, and I love and fight with her the same as my biological sisters- what's the difference? Like you, we have no idea of our fertile/sterile status- and no interest in finding out. I seriously got so excited to read that someone else feels the same as us! Oh, and I'm indifferent on foreign/domestic adoption, but my husband is firmly in the domestic camp, and I'm fine with that. So yay for you, and when the process begins I hope you're open about the joys and pains- so we can all cheer/empathize with you and support you.

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  49. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  50. I've read forever and never commented but I must say I really admire you posting this. My husband and I are in the same boat, only difference is that he was adopted to a wonderful family. When we started talking about having children adoption was always on the table. I must say, I'd never really considered it but after learning more about adoption I can't believe I didn't consider it. We don't know if we can or cannot have our old children and I'm not saying we won't try to have one one day, but I think giving a child a new life is so rewarding. I'm really looking forward to reading your journey when the time comes and if you decide to share.

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  51. How precious. The way you described it- how you want the chance to totally love a child who would never have experienced a loving home... I think it's great. Wonderful that there are people like you and your husband out there wanting to give a child a loving home. Just reading that makes me think you'd make great parents. :)

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  52. I'm a little late, but this post just stuck with me. You're totally right about feeling like you have to explain yourself to everyone when they ask the "Why's". I've even had someone tell me, "Oh, I'm so sorry you can't conceive!" when my husband and I are adopting only because we want to offer a child the life that their innocent heart deserves. I haven't written about our decision in depth, but I kind of announced it on my blog a few weeks ago. :)

    http://loveandtheairport.blogspot.com/2012/07/expanding-our-family.html

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  53. Beautiful, this is just lovely to read and know about you. One of my best friends was adopted and I'm so thankful to have her in my life. I don't know what I'd do without her! Adoption is a truly wonderful thing!

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  54. I am currently going through Embryo Adoption. We have tried for 8+ years so far to have a cute little chubby cheeked baby and no luck.
    I get some really awesome and supportive comments when I tell people what we are doing and then I get very confused looks and lots of odd questions - all that I am happy to answer but kinda feel like I have to all of a sudden defend myself and my reasons. I don't mind answering questions, heck half the time I talk too much but I don't understand why some people feel the need to question my reasoning.
    I am so excited and happy we have chose Embryo Adoption, I can't wait for our embryo transfer in November and I would adopt locally in an instant, as well. I think adoption is a perfect choice.

    heyitsmishi.blogspot.com

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  55. Oh my gosh, I love this post. Just everything about it...love. I'm so happy that there are people like you who choose adoption first and not as a "last resort." There is nothing negative about it being a "last resort," it's 100% understandable with how difficult and emotional it can be, I'm just saying I think there's something really special about you choosing that first.

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  56. I'm pretty new to your blog so I thought I would start reading through a lot of the "best of LIY". I have to say this post brought out a lot of emotion. I love your reasoning in wanting to adopt. Such a lovely story and the fact that your husband shared the desire makes my heart swell. best of luck whenever you decide to start the process. sounds like you will be an amazing mother.

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  57. I've been praying for a long time that God will let me be a wife and a mother, and something in me hopes my husband will suggest adoption because I would so be on board. I'm content with pregnancy and "natural" children, but more so I just want to walk in God's will for my life.
    Thanks for sharing these words. They're admirable.

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  58. This is exactly how I feel. Just waiting on God's timing. Thank you for this.

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  59. I completely agree with all of your "reasons". I'm in not position to consider or actually do this but it is something that I would be happy to persue. I'd rathey "save" 3 kids than have my own.

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  60. I found your blog from Casey's- I'm a fellow Indiana girl :) Your honesty & ability to be okay with who you are drew me on on the few posts that I read! Glad I found ya!

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  61. Hi Erin! I'm loving your blog and when I came across this post, I fell in love just a little bit more... I feel like you took the thoughts and feelings that are in my heart and put them on paper. I love when that moment of CONNECTION happens while perusing a blog...Thank you for sharing!

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I read and appreciate every one of your comments. Thanks for stopping by my space and sharing a piece of yourself on this huge ole internet. I meant that in the least creepy way possible. I'm just good at making everything awkward. Anyhow, thank you for your comments. They make me smile :)